


The Edge of Glory

by gemjam



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemjam/pseuds/gemjam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years after he retires from F1, Mark returns to Red Bull in a management role to chase that championship he never won as a driver, while Sebastian realises there might just be more to life than winning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Edge of Glory

**Author's Note:**

> Many many thanks to zeraparker for all her hand holding and very valuable feedback during the writing process and beyond, and to geri_lea for the wonderfully helpful beta job and notes.
> 
> Written for Summer Slash at f1slash using this poem for inspiration:
> 
>  
> 
> _A Walk_  
>  Rainer Maria Rilke 
> 
>  
> 
> _Already my gaze is upon the hill, the sunny one,_  
>  at the end of the path which I've only just begun.  
> So we are grasped, by that which we could not grasp,  
> at such great distance, so fully manifest—
> 
>  
> 
> _and it changes us, even when we do not reach it,_  
>  into something that, hardly sensing it, we already are;  
> a sign appears, echoing our own sign . . .  
> But what we sense is the falling winds.

Three years; a tiny lifetime in the blink of an eye. Mark stares at the trophy cabinet stretching up to the ceiling, more than a few additions since he’d last stood in this spot. His eye is drawn not to his own wins but to the main prize, the World Championship trophy that sits there for the sixth year in a row.

“That’s my favourite,” Christian tells him as he steps up beside him.

“Feeling must be mutual, mate. It keeps coming back to you.”

Christian smiles, eyes still fixed on the evidence of all that hard work. Mark knows what it takes. He might not have won the title himself but he thinks maybe that means he knows better than anyone.

With a deep breath, Christian collects his thoughts. There’s a spark of excitement in his eyes as he turns to face Mark. “Do you want to see your office?”

*

Sebastian is informed before the official announcement to the media, but not before the speculation starts.

Dr. Marko’s health issues have been apparent for a long time and when he doesn’t turn up in Sochi towards the end of the season, the media take it as an open invitation. Mark’s name is mentioned somewhere early on and is quickly latched onto.

Sebastian knows that Mark and Christian are still close, knows that Mark has had a lot of contact with the Red Bull Juniors through his role at Arden over the last three years. He’s bided his time and he’s come in the back door and Sebastian isn’t sure whether to feel threatened or impressed.

“Helmut won’t be back next year,” Christian tells him, sitting in that claustrophobic office in the motorhome with too many chairs and too little space.

“No,” Sebastian agrees. It’s ridiculously obvious.

“Mark’s going to be taking over the majority of his duties,” Christian continues.

Sebastian just nods because it’s what he expected and what else is there really to say? He knows everything’s about to change, that the whole dynamic of the team will shift dramatically. It makes him feel exposed because he knows that Mark won’t cover for him, won’t ever make excuses, but maybe that’s just what Sebastian needs. Maybe this is his chance to really show what he’s made of.

*

Mark is aware of Sebastian staring at him for the whole meeting but he decides to ignore it. There’s a lot to sort out before the car unveiling in a week’s time and Mark’s head is already too full as it is.

It’s his first official function for the team since he stepped into his new role but he doesn’t really see why he has to be there at all. He has very little to do with the car, with the day to day running of the race team. When he agreed the contract with Dietrich he made sure his duties focussed primarily on the Red Bull Junior Team; that’s where his passion really is. Posing next to a car at a PR event is not something he ever wanted to have to go through again. Turns out, whatever level you’re at, you don’t really get a choice in the matter.

When the meeting’s over, Mark gets to his feet, gathering his things as he readies himself to follow the flow out the door. He’s aware of Sebastian not moving though, still sitting back in his seat, and Mark looks over, meeting his eyes. He can’t read Sebastian’s face, the stare like the blank one of a child who doesn’t know what they’re looking at.

“There something you want to say, mate?” Mark invites, trying not to sound as exasperated as he is.

Sebastian just shrugs, the way he hunches up his shoulders making him look withdrawn and a little bit lost. Mark sighs, dropping back down into the seat opposite him.

“Let me explain something to you,” Mark begins. “If you win races it makes me look good. That’s how this works. We’re on the same side here. Right?”

“Right,” Sebastian agrees but he sounds anything but sure.

“It doesn’t matter what happened when we were racing together,” Mark says. “Whatever we thought or didn’t think about each other, that’s gone. I’m sure it’s crossed your mind that you could make this very difficult for me...”

“I don’t want to make it difficult,” Sebastian cuts in, his voice earnest and a little bit hurt.

“Good,” Mark says, blinking to try and get himself back on track. “So then we’re fine. Let’s go get you another World Championship.”

He gets to his feet, not missing the smile that crosses Sebastian’s lips as Mark turns to walk away.

*

Seeing Mark around all the time makes Sebastian feel differently than he expected. The news of Mark’s promotion had left him feeling slightly defensive, ready to fight for his corner, but Mark is calm and receptive, professional and passionate in equal measures. Sebastian had forgotten about that side of him, that spirited determination, the fact that he never let anything keep him down for long. Sebastian benefitted greatly from Mark’s bad luck over his career, but that wasn’t to say he didn’t admire him for the way that he so resolutely picked himself up every time he fell.

It feels good to have all of that tenacity on his side, even if Mark spends more time at Toro Rosso with Carlos and Tom or over on Dan’s side of the garage than he does paying any real attention to Sebastian. Sebastian understands. Carlos and Tom are only in Formula 1 thanks to Mark’s hard work and Dan has a lot to thank Mark for too. Sebastian is a product of what already feels like a different era and he finds himself sorry that he didn’t have someone like Mark behind him when it really counted.

*

Sebastian’s first win of the season comes at the second race. Christian approaches Mark as soon as the chequered flag drops.

“Podium’s all yours,” he says. “Enjoy it.”

Mark glances up over the pit lane and shakes his head. “Don’t think so, mate.”

“That wasn’t a request, Mark,” Christian says firmly.

“I haven’t earned that yet,” Mark dismisses. “I’ve got nothing to do with his success. Wait until I’ve really established myself, then I’ll be proud to go up there for the team. There’s hundreds of people more deserving than me right now.”

Christian gives him an irritated look but relents, heading off into the garage. Mark watches the podium ceremony with Adrian from the pitwall. Instead of the elation he always felt at his own wins, this inspires a deep down satisfaction, something more grounding and real than being up there on top of the world.

He’s always felt like part of the team, has always known what a group effort every win was, but sometimes it was hard to truly appreciate that when you only ever witnessed a race from inside the visor. As he watches Sebastian lift the trophy over his head, he realises he still has a lot to learn.

*

Sebastian feels a warm sensation from the alcohol and the heat. His second win of the season and it was a good one. He’s never been able to deny the satisfaction of a lights to flag victory, especially when there’s a fastest lap thrown in there, but sometimes fighting for it, nearly losing it, lights up that hunger and makes you appreciate it more than ever.

He’s sitting on the upper deck of the motorhome in the warm evening air, sipping his drink, when he spots Mark milling around. He’s talking to some of the engineers, having an animated conversation that Sebastian can’t hear but enjoys all the same. He likes seeing that smile on Mark’s face. He likes when he’s so excited about something that he can’t keep his hands still.

When the conversation breaks up, Mark wanders over near his table and apparently spots him for the first time. He gives him a little nod, shoving his hands in the pockets of his shorts, and Sebastian motions him over.

“I used to fucking hate that run and hide shit you always did when we were racing together,” Mark says. “Three second gap by the second lap or some shit. I appreciate it now. You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack today.”

Sebastian smiles. Mark might be able to play the media personality when he needs to, but Sebastian’s glad the management position hasn’t dulled his true personality at all.

“I missed you,” he says. The words sound so easy and he’s not as embarrassed by them as he’s sure he should be.

Mark arches an eyebrow at him. “You missed me?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies. “I missed you.” Mark snorts a laugh, looking away, but he doesn’t leave. “Dan’s so laid back,” Sebastian goes on. “He’s fierce in his own way, but it’s not the same. No fire. He laughs when he loses. Not like it’s funny, just like... I don’t know. I don’t get him. I always knew exactly how you felt.”

“It was rarely complimentary,” Mark says, still looking out over the deck.

“At least it was something,” Sebastian shrugs.

Mark pulls his hands from his pockets, stepping over to Sebastian and lifting the glass out of his hand. “I think you might have had enough, mate.” Sebastian relinquishes it easily. He doesn’t need any more. Mark considers him for a moment. “Don’t underestimate Dan.”

“I don’t,” Sebastian replies. He looks up at Mark. “Wait, are you giving me advice about beating Dan? Don’t you want him to beat me?”

“I just want a championship,” Mark says. “I don’t really give a fuck who gives it to me.”

He takes a sip of Sebastian’s drink, grimaces slightly, and then heads off across the deck, disappearing down the staircase.

*

Mark knows that Sebastian is drunk and so this is dangerously close to taking advantage, even though the way Sebastian has him pushed up against his hotel room wall makes him feel like he’s the one who’s being taken advantage of. At least Sebastian had the presence of mind to kick the door closed behind himself before he pinned Mark to the wall so they’re unlikely to have a gaping audience anytime soon.

Sebastian is pressed against him, all heat and desperation, and the way he grinds against Mark shows just how turned on he is. Definitely not too drunk to get it up. Mark’s not sure that really justifies this. Sebastian groans as he kisses Mark messily, pushed up onto his tiptoes, one hand at the back of Mark’s neck and the other fisted into his shirt.

Mark needs to stop this, but his intention of pushing Sebastian away falls short and instead he guides him backwards towards the desk, lifting him up onto it and stepping into the v of his legs, barely breaking the kiss to do so.

“Oh God,” Sebastian gasps, coming up for air. His mouth is open, panting, a flush to his cheeks that makes Mark want to dive straight back in again. “Do you want to fuck me?” Sebastian asks. “Have you ever done that? I haven’t but I bet you’re really good.” He grabs at Mark, pulling him back in, licking over his bottom lip. Mark frowns, trying to process what Sebastian is telling him.

“You’ve never done what?” Mark asks.

“Hmm?” Sebastian asks distractedly as his hands drop down to Mark’s waistband, working open the button. He slides his tongue into Mark’s mouth at the same moment as he pulls his zipper down and Mark can’t even remember what he was trying to ask.

Sebastian’s hand slides into his underwear, grasping his cock with a sweaty palm, and Mark grunts as he instinctively pushes his hips into the touch. He wants Sebastian in about a million ways right now, filthy images running through his head as Sebastian thumbs over the tip of his cock, and he certainly doesn’t do _this_ like a virgin.

Mark grabs him under his knees, scoots him to the edge of the desk, and makes short work of his jeans. He knocks Sebastian’s hand out of the way and takes hold of both of their cocks together, groaning at the little shudder that goes through Sebastian’s body. Sebastian’s arms go around his neck, pressing their foreheads together as he pants and moans into the space between them. He tries to kiss Mark but there’s no coordination there and everything’s too quick and desperate to try and focus on anything else.

Sebastian comes with something like a whimper, pressing himself close as he rides it out. It’s all the inspiration Mark needs, letting go of Sebastian’s cock and concentrating only on his own, jerking himself off until he comes over Sebastian’s T-shirt. It’s strangely satisfying. Sebastian looks down at himself.

“Dirty bastard,” he says, a filthy grin coming over his face like he really wants to do this all over again. Mark just feels spent.

“How drunk are you?” he asks, not sure he really wants the answer.

“Just enough to lose a few inhibitions,” Sebastian says, his voice clearer than Mark expected.

“And a few brain cells,” Mark says.

“And a bit of virginity,” Sebastian suggests, giving him a seductive look.

Mark exhales a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Go back to your room,” he says, stepping away, Sebastian’s arms falling limply from where they’re still hung over his shoulders.

“I’m not sure I can walk right now,” Sebastian says, leaning back against the wall.

Mark shakes his head. “I’m taking a shower.”

He closes the bathroom door behind himself as though he has any modesty left to hide. By the time he comes out again, Sebastian is gone.

*

Back to back races means a flight in the morning to the next location, no time to take stock. Sebastian sees Mark in the airport lounge, last night coming vividly back to him.

He’d had a crush on Rocky once upon a time, when Sebastian was new to the team and before the strain had entered their relationship. He liked how controlled Rocky was, how much power he had over Sebastian with his filtering of information.

He’d had a crush on Jenson, when they first started racing each other on track, when they were sharing podiums and competing for the same prizes. He liked how carefree Jenson was, how that smile made Sebastian’s stomach flip over in a way he was never very proud of but really couldn’t deny.

He never remembered having a crush on Mark though. Maybe it was the way their relationship was fated from the start, forced to chip away at each other to gain the advantage. You can never be friends with your teammate. It’s the biggest cliché in Formula 1 and Sebastian had accepted it unquestioningly. Opening himself up to Mark, to even the possibility, would have been to display a chink in his armour.

Things are different now though. The rules have changed and Sebastian can’t claim to understand them but he knows that he likes this version of Mark he finds himself faced with, likes the way he makes him feel, and he wants to know him better.

He drops down into the seat next to Mark, offering him a smile. “Hey.”

Mark gives him a curt nod. “Good morning, Sebastian.”

Sebastian laughs. “Good morning, Sebastian?” he repeats. “That was very formal.”

Mark seems to relax slightly, a small smile gracing his lips as he looks at Sebastian again. “How’s the head, mate?”

“Fine,” Sebastian responds. “I told you, I wasn’t drunk.”

“You weren’t sober,” Mark counters.

“No, I wasn’t sober,” Sebastian agrees. “But I knew what I was doing. I remember exactly what happened.”

“How can you say you remember exactly what happened?” Mark responds. “Do you remember what you did with that banana?”

Sebastian gives him a look. “There was no banana.”

“Well, if there had’ve been, you would have done something filthy with it, the mood you were in last night,” Mark replies coolly.

Sebastian smiles, leaning in slightly closer. “Didn’t hear you complaining.”

“You’re pretty persuasive,” Mark shrugs.

“So, mile high club?” Sebastian suggests nonchalantly.

“Behave,” Mark tells him, lifting up his bag and getting to his feet.

*

Mark decides to file it away as wank fodder. Encounters like that never led to anything more. Sebastian’s flirting might be endearing but it’s all just ego, a man who’s used to getting whatever he wants and can’t help playing the game. Mark can’t believe there’s anything real behind it.

It occurs to him over the next few days though that Sebastian is the person he’s closest to in the current grid. Fernando retired last year, Jenson the year before that, and it’s hard to believe that little Nico Rosberg is now the most experienced driver in Formula 1.

As fond as Mark is of Nico, he has to admit they were never really that close. Mark was already an experienced driver when Nico joined as his rookie teammate and they always got on, enjoyed each other’s company, but the gap between them was too big. It was the same with him and Sebastian, always worlds apart, and yet the realisation makes him feel a kind of solidarity. They’re together in this in more ways than one.

He goes to Sebastian’s hotel room on Thursday night. Sebastian answers the door wearing workout gear, a sheen of sweat still clinging to him. It’s more than a little distracting.

“Hi,” Sebastian says, smiling at him.

“Hi,” Mark returns.

Sebastian glances over his shoulder. “Heikki’s here.”

“Oh,” Mark replies, taking half a step back. “Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll throw him out,” Sebastian says. “We’re done anyway.”

He leaves the door open as he heads back into the room and Mark hesitates before following him inside. He feels completely transparent as Heikki nods at whatever excuse Sebastian has given him, giving him a friendly slap on the shoulder, a nod of acknowledgement sent towards Mark as he’s closing the door behind himself. Mark stands awkwardly in the middle of the room as Sebastian moves towards him.

“I just finished working out,” he says. “So I’m all dripping with pheromones.”

Mark finds himself licking his lips unintentionally. “Good for you.” He moves out of Sebastian’s path, sitting down on the sofa. Sebastian looks slightly let down but follows his lead. “And that was a terrible line, mate.”

“It’s not a line,” Sebastian replies. “It’s a fact.” He shifts in his seat, clearly waiting to see what Mark does next.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Mark asks, instantly cringing at his own words. That’s not what this is supposed to be. He sounds like a romantic and that’s the furthest thing from the truth there is. There’s no way this can be no strings though. There’s always going to be consequences.

“We’re both grown ups,” Sebastian shrugs. “We can do what we want.”

Mark’s lips curve into a wry smile. “Only someone who didn’t really understand what being a grown up meant would say something like that. The world doesn’t come to you just because you turn 30 you know.”

“I’m 28,” Sebastian states.

“Fucking hell,” Mark mutters, shaking his head.

“But I know about the world,” Sebastian insists.

“Only in the geographical sense,” Mark responds.

Sebastian moves suddenly, straddling Mark’s lap and pressing him down into the sofa. “Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll let you leave.”

Mark breathes in through his nose, getting high off Sebastian’s scent. He wasn’t kidding about the pheromones. He half-closes his eyes, savours it for a moment, and then Sebastian is kissing him.

It’s slower than the last time but no less intense, Sebastian holding onto both sides of Mark’s face like he’s scared he’s going to try and pull away. Mark just slides his hands under Sebastian’s shirt and up his back, the skin still tacky with sweat, and he groans, forcing Sebastian further into his lap as he lifts his hips up, rubbing their crotches together.

Sebastian relaxes slightly, one hand sliding into Mark’s hair, the other dropping down to his shoulder. He tilts his head, kisses Mark deeper, rubs against him as he closes his thighs slightly, pressing Mark in, making him feel claustrophobic. Mark uses his hold on Sebastian to lift him, flipping him over so that they’re laid along the length of the sofa, Sebastian pinned down beneath him.

He kisses him afresh, more insistent than before, thrusting down against him as he feels himself coming undone. Sebastian pulls his mouth away with a moan, gripping hold of Mark, and Mark buries his face in Sebastian’s neck, inhaling him again.

“Can we slow down a little?” Sebastian asks.

Mark pulls back, holding himself above Sebastian’s body, his mind spinning as it tries to focus on a coherent thought. “What were you saying the other night?”

“What?”

“The virgin thing.”

Sebastian gives a dismissive look. “I’m not a virgin.” Mark raises his eyebrows. “I’ve fucked girls. Just not men. But I can do everything else. I give a really good blowjob. Do you want me to...”

“No,” Mark says shortly, taking advantage of the fact that Sebastian has half sat up to reach for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up over his head. He pushes Sebastian back down and then rids himself of his own T-shirt.

“You still work out?” Sebastian asks, eyes scanning Mark’s torso. “I mean you’re, uh, yeah.”

“I keep active,” Mark shrugs. The look on Sebastian’s face is more validation than the numbers on the scales have ever been.

He lowers himself back down, Sebastian meeting him halfway, and the kiss is more measured this time, more deliberate. Mark feels exposed without the frenetic energy to lose himself in, like he might be giving too much away. The sensuality lights something else up inside him though, something less desperate but just as impulsive. He reaches down, tugging at the waistband of Sebastian’s shorts.

“Do you want to... the bed?” Sebastian suggests brokenly. Mark just shakes his head, leaning in to kiss Sebastian’s neck as he strips him. “Oh,” Sebastian says distractedly. “Okay.” And then he mutters something in German as Mark closes his hand around his cock and Mark can’t help but smile.

Sebastian rids Mark of his jeans, his underwear, and then there’s no barriers, the two of them moving together, kisses and touches and the flowing movement of hips like something choreographed. Sebastian wraps his legs around Mark’s waist, gripping Mark’s shoulders for leverage, and he bites down on his lip as he comes, looking so vulnerable and overwhelmed. Mark stares at him for a moment, breathes him in again to regain his focus, and then he thrusts against Sebastian’s spent body as he joins him over the edge.

He lays on top of Sebastian, trying to catch his breath, feeling the come down when Sebastian’s legs slip from around him. Sebastian’s fingers play with the hair at the nape of Mark’s neck and Mark can tell he’s thinking about something before he speaks.

“Rocky said it should have been you on the podium in China instead of him,” Sebastian says, voice soft and tired. “He said you refused to come up there with me.”

“Yeah,” Mark agrees, lifting his head slightly.

Sebastian meets his eyes. “Why?”

Mark shrugs, too aware of the way their skin sticks together, wet come dribbled between them. “Don’t take it personally. Just wasn’t my time.”

Sebastian closes his eyes but Mark can tell he’s still thinking. He can tell that he’s hurt by Mark’s refusal to take part in the podium ceremony, and Mark honestly doesn’t know which one of them is being an idiot.

He untangles himself from Sebastian, going through to the bathroom and splashing some water on himself. He gets dressed and then soaks a washcloth with warm water, talking it through to Sebastian and throwing it down on his stomach. Sebastian jumps, making a startled noise.

“Clean yourself up and get to bed,” Mark tells him. “I’ll see you at the track tomorrow.”

“Night,” Sebastian agrees, his eyes already closing again. Mark hesitates, feeling this is somehow unfinished, but he forces himself to turn around, heading for the door.

*

When you want something as much as Sebastian’s always wanted a Formula 1 seat, a World Championship, his name in the history books, you don’t make room for distractions. The single statement is a series of untruths that he’s only just starting to unravel. Greatness isn’t something you achieve simply because you want it. Greatness is created through passion, the desire to do a certain thing and putting everything into it until greatness is the only possible outcome.

Sebastian’s never been lacking in talent, but sometimes the passion wears a little thin. He still loves this, still can’t imagine himself doing anything else, but it doesn’t consume him in the way it once did. It seems like a cliché to say that something’s missing, but Sebastian has to admit he’s not the most rounded person ever, and as he stares across the motorhome to where Mark is chatting to Daniel he feels a tug that he hasn’t felt since before Monza 2008.

“Mark,” he calls out, both Mark and Daniel looking over at him. “Can I ask you a question? When you have the time, no hurry.”

“Be right there, mate,” Mark promises.

Sebastian nods, turning around and heading back to his personal room, knowing that Mark will know where to find him. It’s not long before he hears the knock on the door, calling Mark inside.

“What’s up, mate?” Mark asks.

“Lock the door,” Sebastian tells him.

Mark frowns. “What?”

“Do you want a blowjob?” Sebastian offers.

Mark stares at him for a moment. “Is that seriously what you wanted to ask me?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Do you want one or not?”

Mark looks at his watch. “I have a meeting in a twenty minutes.”

“I can make you come in twenty minutes,” Sebastian says confidently, getting to his feet and crossing the room. He reaches behind Mark, clicking the lock into place before licking his lips suggestively. “Do you want my mouth on your cock?”

“You’re fucking filthy,” Mark groans, his hand landing on Sebastian’s shoulder and pushing him downwards. Sebastian grins, not needing to be told twice.

His hands are already on the front of Mark’s trousers as he drops down to his knees, working them open. Mark adjusts his stance, placing his feet further apart on the floor as he leans more heavily against the door, letting it hold his weight. Sebastian reaches inside his underwear and pulls his cock out, pleased to find it already half-hard. He strokes it firmly, feeling it swell against his palm, tilting his head back to look up at Mark as he swipes his tongue teasingly from root to tip.

“I like to be watched,” he says, opening his mouth and guiding Mark’s cock between his lips.

“I bet you fucking do,” Mark mutters, but he doesn’t look away, lets Sebastian hold his gaze.

Sebastian makes a pleased noise around Mark’s cock, taking him in deep and swallowing around him before pulling back to set up a rhythm. Mark groans, a subtle little shudder going through him, and Sebastian loves this, loves the power it gives him over someone, loves the ego boost of being clever enough to make someone fall apart.

He places his hands on Mark’s hips pushing him back against the door and trying to dictate the speed, the depth, wanting total control of Mark’s pleasure. Mark doesn’t fight it, a hand sliding into Sebastian’s hair, touching him with little design as he pants harshly. Sebastian pulls back, suckling on the head of Mark’s cock while his tongue probes at the slit and Mark shudders, shaking his head before letting it fall back against the door with an audible thump.

Sebastian smiles around his cock, feeling very pleased with himself. The best part of giving a blowjob was working out just how to make someone lose themselves in a way that tipped the balance firmly in your favour. Sebastian could ask for anything now and Mark would comply. It was a feeling that never failed to give him a high. Sebastian didn’t want anything from Mark though, nothing more than to see him come.

He takes Mark back in deeply, sucking hard, one hand going down to the front of his own jeans, fumbling them open. He sets up a harsh rhythm, using every trick he knows, and with only one hand he can’t really pin Mark against the door in the same way so he’s forced to concede to his instinctive little thrusts that feel so much like begging. Sebastian closes his eyes, sure that Mark is close, when he feels Mark’s foot nudging against the hand he’s trying to get inside his own pants.

“Don’t,” Mark says, voice so wrecked that it actually makes Sebastian’s cock throb. He opens his eyes, looking up at Mark whose head has fallen forward, chin resting against his chest. “I’ll do it.”

Sebastian groans around his cock, obediently taking his hand away, and Mark’s eyes almost roll back in his head at the sensation. The hand in Sebastian’s hair grips hold of him tightly, stopping him from moving too far away.

“You swallow?” Mark asks, harsh and urgent. Sebastian nods as best he can. “Good,” Mark grits out, his body tensing as his breaths go ragged and then he’s coming, shooting off into Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian swallows around him, humming and trying to hold Mark’s eyes but Mark is gone, his gaze distant and unfocussed, clearly nothing in his head except his own pleasure.

Sebastian sucks him gently as he begins to soften, the taste of him and the smell of him so overwhelming. He wants to touch himself but he resists, curls his fingers into a fist to stop himself. Mark made him a promise and Sebastian wants more than anything for him to follow through. Mark’s hand slides out of his hair, eyes blinking before he meets Sebastian’s gaze. He takes a deep breath looking so undone, his fingers skimming Sebastian’s cheek before pushing him away.

“Go sit down.” His voice is gravelly and worn and it might be the single sexiest thing Sebastian’s ever heard.

He moves, not bothering to fully stand up, making his way to the sofa in the quickest way possible. He sits, pulls his cock out, hopes this is going to go the way he hopes. When Mark folds down to his knees in front of him, face still flushed and breaths still uneven, Sebastian can barely believe his luck. Mark reaches out, strokes him a few times with a firm hand, and Sebastian groans, hips lifting up off the sofa. He bites down on his lip, looking imploringly at Mark, but Mark doesn’t bother looking back, dipping his head and taking Sebastian’s cock into his mouth.

He’s rough and fast, all harsh suction and devious tongue, and Sebastian feels like he’s coming out of his skin. His hands grip the cushions of the sofa beneath him, a high whine rising up in his throat and it’s all over before he can even really start to appreciate it. He feels almost cheated as his orgasm is ripped from him but somehow it’s so very Mark to be so brusque and manly about it.

Sebastian lays bonelessly back against the sofa trying to catch his breath as Mark sits back, Sebastian’s cock falling almost thoughtlessly from his mouth. Sebastian lifts a hand, trying to touch him, but he can’t quite reach.

“This is a thing, right?” he asks, the words so vulnerable behind his panted breaths. He doesn’t know why it feels so safe to ask this question now when it’s probably the most dangerous time of all. His guard is down and Mark, Mark fucking has him.

“What?” Mark asks distractedly, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. He catches sight of his watch. “Shit, my meeting. What the fuck are you doing to me?”

He gets to his feet, stumbling slightly as he heads through the doorway to the adjoining bathroom. Sebastian hears the sound of water running, Mark spitting into the sink, and it makes him feel dirty. When Mark comes back through he still looks flustered but there’s no obvious telltale signs of what just happened. He flicks the lock on the door open and then glances over at Sebastian.

“Put your cock away.”

Sebastian does as he’s told but he doesn’t bother fastening his pants. Mark doesn’t wait any longer, just opens the door, rushes out and shuts it behind himself again.

“Bye,” Sebastian says to the empty room.

*

Mark decides to call it a habit, the way he keeps falling into bed with Sebastian. The bed is a more recent addition, but one that he’s fond of. He’s really not as young as he used to be and when Sebastian’s enthusiasm isn’t wearing it’s downright exhausting.

He doesn’t seek Sebastian out, doesn’t think about where he is or what he’s doing when they’re apart, but he has to admit that during race weekends or days when they happen to be in the factory at the same time, there’s a kind of inevitability about it now. If he’s honest with himself he’s not quite sure where expectation ends and anticipation begins.

Mark grabs a late lunch between meetings and spots Sebastian in the factory canteen, eating with his engineers. It doesn’t occur to Mark to go and join him but he’s not sure how accidental it is that he decides to sit in Sebastian’s line of sight. If the possibility of getting off is available he’d be an idiot not to capitalise on it.

He sees Sebastian’s eyes wander over to him several times, gazing at Mark over Rocky’s shoulder, and Mark can’t help but smile smugly to himself, dipping his head and pretending that his food is very interesting. When he looks up again Sebastian is frowning in concentration at whatever Rocky is saying to him and Mark finds the expression far too endearing.

He reaches into his bag, pulling out a sheet of blank paper before folding it carefully into a paper aeroplane. He takes aim and fires it across the canteen, hitting Sebastian in the chest, and he can’t help the satisfied smile that comes over his face. Sebastian looks up, giving him the finger, making Mark grin wider.

“Mark.”

He looks up to see Christian approaching. He leans back in his chair, offering a nod in greeting.

“Can you come to my office whenever you have a minute?” Christian asks.

“Sure thing, boss,” Mark responds, picking up his fork again.

“I’m not...” Christian begins before dismissing himself with a wave of his hand. “Whenever you have a minute, please,” he repeats.

Mark nods, the paper aeroplane hitting him in the side of the face. He looks over at Sebastian who’s giggling to himself. “Fucker,” Mark mutters. Christian shakes his head and walks away.

It’s after office hours when Mark finally finds a minute to catch up with Christian who is predictably still working away. Mark sits down opposite him, waiting for Christian to finish up his phone call before turning to face Mark. He hesitates for a brief moment before he begins.

“You and Sebastian,” he finally states.

“Me and Sebastian?” Mark asks. “What about me and Sebastian? We’re not causing any trouble, we’re getting on fine.”

“So it appears,” Christian says pointedly. The look he gives Mark says it all and so Mark finds himself holding his hands up in surrender. “You should be careful,” Christian warns him.

“We’re just fucking,” Mark dismisses.

“Are you sure it’s entirely appropriate to be doing that with one of your employees?” Christian asks.

Mark snorts a laugh. “He’s not my employee.”

“He is, actually,” Christian points out. “You’re in charge of the drivers. He’s a driver.”

“I’m in charge of the Junior Team,” Mark says. “Seb’s not a junior.”

“You’re a key decision maker in this team and you have authority that outranks all of us,” Christian says. “You’re my boss, strictly speaking.”

“Can I give you a disciplinary for trying to give me a fucking lecture then?” Mark counters.

“I’m being serious,” Christian says.

“I would never go over your head, mate,” Mark insists. “You know that. I’m just here for the Juniors and to back you up. I’ve got no interest in running the team, you’re more than capable of doing that for yourself. I’m happy to follow your lead.”

“You get paid more than me,” Christian points out.

“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m the one who has to answer to Dietrich,” Mark tells him. “But you know I got your back.”

Christian nods, the irritation seeming to drain from him. He leans back in his chair, levelling his gaze at Mark like he’s considering him. “You know, you and Seb, if it was more than just fucking that might be different.”

“It’s not,” Mark says shortly.

“Then maybe you should keep it in your pants,” Christian suggests.

Mark rolls his eyes, getting to his feet and leaving the room.

*

Sebastian lies in bed, watching Mark pick his clothes up from the floor in the darkness of the hotel bedroom. Sebastian can still feel the way Mark’s fingers had dug into him as he’d come, one hand on Sebastian’s bicep, the other on his hip. He can still feel that slightly restless sensation, the residue of the giddy pleasure of his orgasm, even as the tiredness and doubt threaten to drown it out. He can still feel the dampness of come against his stomach and he knows it’s not only his. He thinks about grabbing something to wipe himself off with, his toes curling with something like shame. He feels like if he acknowledges the mess it will all just be irrevocably seedy.

“Mark,” he says, his voice sounding fragile in the quiet of the room.

“Yeah, mate?” Mark responds, pulling on his underwear, not bothering to look up.

“Did you ever forgive me?” Sebastian asks.

“For what?” Mark responds. “Always coming first? Being a greedy bastard?”

“I don’t always come first,” Sebastian returns. “And I’m not greedy. I’m passionate.”

“Passionate,” Mark repeats, pulling his T-shirt over his head. “Fair enough.”

“Mark,” Sebastian says again, trying to focus him. Mark pauses in shaking out his jeans, looking over at him, and Sebastian feels exposed even though he knows Mark can’t see much in this light.

“What?” Mark asks.

Sebastian chews on his lip, doesn’t really know where to start. “I know I could be a little shit. You could be fucking infuriating too.”

“Don’t doubt it,” Mark responds. “Wasn’t exactly trying to make friends with you, mate.”

“I got it wrong sometimes,” Sebastian says. “On track. Off track. Sometimes I got it wrong.”

Mark stands still for a moment, considering him. “What am I supposed to be forgiving you for?”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian sighs, rolling onto his back and staring at the murky ceiling. “I’m not saying I have regrets. I’m not apologising. I just want you to know that _I_ know that I wasn’t always right.”

There’s silence and Sebastian tries to lie perfectly still, not make a sound, hoping he can just disappear. It feels too late for that now though. Finally the rustle of Mark’s jeans as he begins to pull them on. Sebastian lets his head fall to the side to look at him.

“Do you have to leave?” he asks, embarrassed by the hurt he can hear in his own voice. “Can’t you just stay?”

“Stay?” Mark asks. “Here?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says testily. “Here.”

Mark stares at him, frozen with his jeans still halfway on, and Sebastian gives a disappointed little huff, rolling away from him. He wipes himself off on the sheets, not caring anymore that he’s making a mess. He hears the rustle of Mark’s jeans again, presumably pulling them up, but then the bed dips and Mark is climbing in beside him.

Sebastian feels giddy and apprehensive at once, not quite daring to move. Mark doesn’t say anything, just shifts closer under the covers so that their bodies just brush against each other, sighing contentedly as he settles down. Sebastian smiles to himself, moving a fraction closer before closing his eyes and trying to find sleep.

*

Mark returns to his office to find Sebastian sat on his desk, legs swinging, like some kind of schoolboy cliché. Mark pauses for a moment before stepping into the room.

“What are you doing in here?” he asks. “Cluttering up my desk,” he adds, walking around to check on his paperwork.

Sebastian hops down, sitting in the chair instead. “I didn’t touch anything.”

“Good,” Mark replies. “It’s all my secret plans to sabotage your car and give Dan the championship.” Sebastian gives him a look, leaning further back in the chair. Mark sits down in his own seat, looking at him expectantly. “So?”

Something softens in Sebastian’s body language as he shifts in his chair slightly. “You stay at home for the British Grand Prix, right? No hotels?”

“That’s right,” Mark confirms.

Sebastian nods. “Can I stay with you?”

Mark blinks at him. “At my house?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian shrugs.

Mark studies him for a moment. “Why?”

“I don’t like hotels,” Sebastian replies. “Why not?”

Mark purses his lips together, thinking it over. He has to admit that, wherever they are in the world, he usually ends up sleeping in Sebastian’s hotel room, but it feels like a big jump from sharing a hotel room to inviting Sebastian into his own bed. That feels like a piece of himself he’s not quite willing to part with.

“Is this just because you want a ride in my helicopter?” Mark asks, trying to buy some time.

Sebastian smiles. “Wouldn’t mind riding something else.”

Mark turns in his chair to look out of the window, trying to ignore the way his cheeks flush. “You are just everything my mother ever warned me about.”

Sebastian lets out a little laugh. “Oh yeah, you’re so innocent.”

Mark turns back to face him, licking over his lips thoughtfully, and he feels like he’s caught in a web.

“That a yes?” Sebastian prompts.

Mark sags in his chair, knowing that he’s beaten. “You’re in my house you follow my rules.”

“Isn’t that how we always play?” Sebastian asks and Mark’s sure he detects a note of bitterness in his tone, but then Sebastian smiles and any trace of it is gone. “I’m heading to the gym for a workout. You want me to come back up here after?”

“Don’t bother,” Mark tells him.

“Oh come on, you love it,” Sebastian taunts, getting to his feet.

“I’ve got a fuckload of work to do,” Mark says. He gives a heavy sigh as he looks it over. “This job is not as fun as I thought it was going to be.”

Sebastian stops at the door, fingers touching the handle, and turns back to Mark. “You don’t like it?”

“I like it,” Mark replies, stretching his arms up over his head, the words more heartfelt than anything he’s said in a long time despite their simplicity. “I just wish I didn’t have to kill so many fucking trees to do it,” he adds, gesturing to the papers in front of him.

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, considering him. “I’ll come back after my workout,” he says decisively, opening the door.

“Shower first,” Mark calls after him, fairly sure the plea will fall on deaf ears.

*

Sebastian can hear the dogs barking enthusiastically as he steps into Mark’s kitchen.

“Don’t worry, I shut them in the other side of the house so they wouldn’t eat you straight away,” Mark says, grabbing Sebastian’s bag from his hand and leaving him with just his backpack.

“Thanks,” Sebastian responds.

“Come on, let’s shove these bags upstairs out of the way then we can think about dinner.”

He leads the way through the living room where the tennis is playing on the large TV and then up the stairs to what Sebastian assumes must be Mark’s bedroom. It seems incredibly intimate being here and Sebastian suddenly feels shy. Mark throws the bag down on the bed with little care and turns around.

“You hungry?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah?” Sebastian responds, distracted as he looks around the room.

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic,” Mark replies, heading towards the door. Sebastian doesn’t move. “You coming?”

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Sebastian tells him.

“You going to look through my underwear drawer?” Mark teases.

“I need to get something out of my bag,” Sebastian replies, motioning towards it.

“Don’t get lost,” Mark tells him as he heads out of the room.

Once he’s gone, Sebastian opens the side pocket on his bag, taking out the two items he’d stashed there. He turns them over in his hands, considering them, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth as he tries to work out whether he has the guts to do this. He doesn’t want Mark to think he’s asking about this in the heat of the moment though, that he’s not sure. He wants to make his intentions clear and he wants to ask for what he wants in the most straightforward way that he can. He thinks that Mark will have to respect that.

Downstairs Mark is sat on the sofa in front of the TV, watching the tennis match. He glances over at Sebastian as he approaches one hand held behind his back. He stands in front of Mark, only allowing a brief moment of hesitation before he drops the lube and condoms onto the table between them. Mark eyes them, looking unimpressed, before he lifts a socked foot up to sweep them onto the floor.

“I’m not going to fuck you,” he says. “And you’re in the way. Move.”

Sebastian does as he’s told, stepping around the table to sit down by Mark’s side. Mark doesn’t acknowledge him, just continues to watch the TV.

“Why aren’t you going to fuck me?” Sebastian asks, trying to keep the pain of Mark’s rejection out of his voice.

Mark snorts a laugh. “If you’ve waited this long to lose your virginity then it must mean something to you. I’m not getting tangled up in that, mate.”

“I’m not a virgin,” Sebastian insists, his face hot with embarrassment. “I told you, I’ve fucked girls. I’ve done everything. I’m not fucking innocent. This is the only thing I haven’t done and that’s only because...”

He trails off, not sure how to finish that sentence. Because he hadn’t had the opportunity? That was hardly true. Because he’d never trusted anyone enough? That just backed up Mark’s claim that this meant something. Mark looks at him with mocking expectation and Sebastian gives a huff, looking away.

“Right,” Mark says. “Let’s make dinner then.”

They eat in the kitchen, Mark a surprisingly good cook, and Sebastian makes a mental note to try and convince him to make meals for him more often. Afterwards Mark takes the dogs for a walk and Sebastian settles himself on the sofa in front of some film he’s seen before and doesn’t have to concentrate too hard on. When Mark returns he brings the dogs back through with him and they jump up on the sofa, crowding Sebastian like he’s threatening their territory.

“Do they always sit here?” he asks.

“Don’t worry, they won’t hurt you, they’re big softies really,” Mark assures him, tickling the nearest one behind his ears.

Sebastian eyes them warily as he offers the TV remote to Mark who waves it off, settling further into the sofa beside him. Sebastian shrugs, tossing the remote down on the cushions as they watch the movie together in silence, bodies gravitating closer together as they shift under the pretence of getting comfortable.

“Is this nearly done?” Mark asks, reaching out and sliding a hand over Sebastian’s thigh. “If you’re in my house, I think I should get perks.”

“I offered you a perk,” Sebastian says, his eyes falling down to the condoms and lube still sitting on the floor.

“That’s not a perk, that’s a responsibility,” Mark counters, his hand sliding up towards Sebastian’s crotch, and Sebastian’s so annoyed that he thinks about pushing it away.

“Can we go to bed?” he asks instead. He knows what’s expected of him when they’re under the covers with the lights out and this is all getting too much for him. Maybe he should have stayed in a hotel but he knew if he did they wouldn’t get any time alone together all weekend.

“Don’t you want to watch the end of your film?” Mark asks.

Sebastian shakes his head, reaching for the remote to turn it off. “Seen it.”

“And what if I want to know how it ends?” Mark teases.

“They all live happily ever after,” Sebastian tells him, getting to his feet and offering a hand down to Mark. “Dogs sleep down here, right?”

“Dogs sleep down here,” Mark agrees, letting Sebastian pull him up. “You do what I say or you’ll be joining them.”

Sebastian loves being undressed by Mark, loves being pushed onto the bed by him. The window is open and the air is cool now the sun’s gone down so Sebastian climbs under the covers, knowing Mark will follow after him. He’s far from a prude but he likes that feeling of being in another world that hiding under a duvet gives him.

Everything is slow, the slide of Mark’s hands, the way he kisses Sebastian like they have literally nothing else to do this weekend, and Sebastian finds it a surprisingly big turn on. It’s not that everything’s always frantic and desperate, since this started happening more frequently the urgency has turned into something much more satisfying, but Sebastian can’t remember it being quite like this before. He wonders if it’s a reflection of Mark being in his own home, firmly within his comfort zone. Everything feels more honest than it ever has in anonymous hotel rooms.

Mark’s body covers his own, fingertips mapping Sebastian’s skin as he kisses him slow and deep, and Sebastian groans and arches up but it’s not out of impatience. He thinks he might be disappointed if this ever ends. Mark strokes his cock lightly, making him throw his head back and reveal his neck. Mark takes the opportunity to lick and nibble at the flesh before his hand slides further down, a single finger making its way to brush over Sebastian’s hole. Sebastian tenses, a moan stuck in his throat, lifting his head to meet Mark’s searching eyes.

“Please,” he gasps out, but Mark’s hand slips away and continues its exploration as if nothing happened.

Their mouths meet again and Sebastian feels too hot, regretting his choice to get under the duvet. The heat from Mark’s body is suffocating and he can feel himself sweating, burning up. He needs air, needs friction, needs Mark’s hand to fucking touch him there again. He moans, body arching, gripping to Mark as he tries to remember how to speak so he can beg. Mark kisses along his jaw, nibbling on his earlobe, doesn’t make him ask.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Sebastian hisses.

“And not because I let you in my bed,” Mark clarifies. “Not because you’re so horny you’d let me do anything.”

“No,” Sebastian insists. “Please. Fuck, Mark, I’ve wanted you to do this for ages.”

Mark looks down at him. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Sebastian bites out. “Now. Please.”

Mark pushes his weight onto his arms, considering Sebastian for a moment longer, before he throws the covers out of the way. “Be right back,” he promises, heading out of the room.

Sebastian feels awkward, the duvet only covering his legs now, and he can’t decide whether to kick it off or cover himself back up. He can feel the chill now that Mark’s body is no longer covering his own, insulating him, and he reaches for the blanket just as Mark comes back through the door, condoms and lube in hand. He jumps onto the bed, taking the option out of Sebastian’s hands as he pushes Sebastian’s knees apart, sitting between them. He leans forward, box of condoms dropping to the bed as he kisses Sebastian, a brush of lips that Sebastian assumes is supposed to be affectionate but it just feels like a tease.

“How far have you gotten before?” Mark asks, sitting back as he smears lube over his fingers. Sebastian just shakes his head. Mark pauses, looking at him. “You haven’t... Not even by yourself?” Sebastian shakes his head again, feeling his cheeks heat. “Right,” Mark says, eyes casting around for a moment. “Roll over.”

“I don’t want to,” Sebastian responds, hating how petulant he sounds.

Mark meets his eyes. “It’s easier. It hurts less. Roll over.”

Sebastian hesitates. It’s not like he lives in a fantasy world but he’d rather it didn’t hurt at all. The thought makes him tense up and he knows that’s the exact opposite of what he’s supposed to do. He takes a deep breath, reminds himself of all the reasons that he wants this, all the times he’s wanked off to the thought of Mark’s cock buried inside him. It feels a little overwhelming to think it’s about to happen for real.

He moves awkwardly, flipping himself over onto his stomach, arranging himself so his legs are still either side of Mark. He feels a little absurd but he distracts himself by rubbing his cock against the sheets, grinding down until he has to bite on his lip to stop himself crying out.

“Might be a little cold,” Mark warns him. “I’m trying to warm it up. Just try and relax.”

“Uh huh,” Sebastian agrees, eyes closed, body feeling more fluid with every circle of his hips.

It is cold, the lubed finger that touches his hole, and he groans, pressing further into the bed, his instinct telling him to wriggle away. Mark has one hand on his arse cheek, pulling it to the side, holding him open, the wet finger a light touch against his ring of muscle and it makes Sebastian feel ticklish, makes him want to squirm.

Mark doesn’t rush it, doesn’t push his finger inside like Sebastian expects. Instead he takes his time, circling Sebastian’s hole, sliding over it, putting the tiniest amount of pressure on before he’s backing off again. It makes Sebastian restless, makes him needy, makes his whole body feel like total molten want. The noises he’s making are obscene, high whines and broken moans, and by the time Mark’s finger finally breaches him it feels like the most amazing thing in the world and Sebastian can only pant for more, more, more.

As Mark slides deeper it’s a weird sensation that almost takes Sebastian out of the moment. It’s not that it hurts as such, it’s just uncomfortable and Sebastian can’t quite relate it to anything but a kind of medical disassociation. The haze of lust seems to lift as Sebastian struggles to process the sensation, the newness of it making him want to panic. As though reading his mind, Mark leans over him, kissing his neck, his free hand stroking up and down Sebastian’s side. Sebastian groans appreciatively, closing his eyes, his breaths coming out shaky as he tries to calm himself, tries to remind himself how much he wants this.

When Mark adds another finger, sliding it in alongside the first, Sebastian can’t help but gasp. He can feel the stretch, a burning sensation that his body tells him isn’t right. Mark reacts instantly, sliding both fingers out and returning with only one. Sebastian shakes his head.

“It’s okay,” he insists.

“It’s not,” Mark responds, kissing his neck again. “If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen.”

“Please,” Sebastian begs. “It’s okay. Please.”

“Shhh,” Mark soothes, moving his single finger in and out, a slow dragging pace that feels almost like a massage.

Sebastian pushes back against it, trying to show his impatience, trying to show that he can take more, but Mark ignores his hints, his blatant begging. His pace, his touches, almost make Sebastian forget that he wanted more until Mark crooks his finger and Sebastian feels something swell inside him, a surge so urgent it makes his eyes go wide.

“What the fuck is that?” he asks.

Mark gives a low chuckle, nuzzling at the back of his neck. “We get this right I can do that every time I push my cock inside you.”

“Oh God,” Sebastian whimpers. “That. Yes. Please.”

Before he even realises what he’s doing he pushes himself up onto his knees, face still buried in the pillow, offering his arse up shamelessly. Mark runs a hand down his spine.

“We’ll get there if we get there,” he says soothingly.

“Get there now,” Sebastian insists.

Mark doesn’t respond, just crooks his finger again. By the time he’s trying again with two fingers Sebastian can tell how much more open he is, the burn reduced down to a warm sensation, the stretch feeling less painful and more satisfying. He groans, pushing back against them, the sensation of being opened up from the inside out completely brand new to him. It overwhelms him to think that this is just the foreplay. At this rate he might just die before they get to the real thing. When Mark eventually presses three fingers inside him he chokes out a sob, gripping the pillow tight in both hands and arching his back, barely able to remember how to breathe.

He whines as Mark pulls his fingers back out, feeling a chill where the lube is wet on his skin. It makes him incredibly aware of his vulnerable position, the predicament he’s placed himself in. He grips the pillow tighter, turning his head to the side as he gulps in air, eyes closed tightly. He feels shaky, feels like he’s falling apart at the seams, taken apart from the inside out. He can’t quite process how empty he suddenly feels because he’s never needed anything there before.

He can feel the mattress shifting behind him, hearing fumbling. “Fucking hell,” Mark grits out and Sebastian opens his eyes, cranes his head to look.

Mark is struggling with the plastic wrapper on the condoms, unable to get them open, and Sebastian can’t help but smile, the tension easing from his body. Mark looks up, catching him watching, and the grumpy expression on his face is so endearing.

“I’ve got lube on my hands,” he complains, wiping them on the sheets and trying again.

“Hurry up,” Sebastian tells him softly, but there’s no real urgency behind the words now. Mark finally rips into the packet and grabs a condom out, going to open it with his teeth. “No,” Sebastian says. He holds out a hand, balancing on his elbows to tear the foil packet open before offering it back to Mark.

“Not going to put it on for me?” Mark teases.

“Get on with it,” Sebastian complains, shifting to get himself comfortable again.

Mark moves forward, hands sliding to Sebastian’s hips, and Sebastian feels his heart beating faster, nerves closing in again. He takes a breath, pressing his face back into the pillow, whining as he feels Mark tugging at him slightly, raising him up. One of Mark’s hands leaves him, the other one rubbing soothing circles into his hip, and then Sebastian can feel it, Mark’s cock pressing against his arse. He can’t breathe, feels like he’s going to explode, his whole body shaking with equal parts want and trepidation.

It seem like forever before Mark is finally pushing forward, the head of his cock just starting to breach him. Sebastian feels himself tense, everything right up into his skull feeling tight, and then the pressure is gone and Sebastian misses it in an instant.

“Mark,” he cries out, irritated.

“It’s okay,” Mark tells him, something finally sliding into Sebastian, but he can tell it’s only a finger. He wants to crumple onto the bed, wants to flail in frustration. He makes a strangled noise, pushing back against Mark’s finger, trying to prove that he’s ready, he wants this. “You have to relax,” Mark tells him.

“I am,” Sebastian grits out.

“I have my finger inside you,” Mark points out. “You’re really not.”

Sebastian sighs but concentrates on taking deep breaths. “Try again,” he orders.

Mark’s finger slides away and then his cock is back, that pressure that’s almost unbearable. “Bear down,” Mark tells him.

“What?” Sebastian asks, not understanding.

“Just, be open,” Mark says.

Sebastian nods his agreement but he’s still not sure he really knows what Mark wants from him. Mark’s cock presses more insistently against him and Sebastian feels like he might burst. It goes against all of his instincts not to tense up, panting so that he can’t hold his breath, knowing if he does his whole body will contract.

When Mark finally slides inside him he gives a sharp cry, not one of pain but of complete overstimulation. He literally doesn’t think he has enough brain cells to process what is happening to him as Mark’s cock holds him open, stilled about a third of the way inside him and making him feel like nothing he’s ever experienced before has been even the slightest bit real.

“Okay?” Mark asks. Sebastian can’t answer, gritting his teeth and trying to work out how the fuck his heart hasn’t stopped. “Need a breather?” Mark offers.

Sebastian makes a garbled noise, shaking his head urgently. Mark rubs at his lower back in soothing little circles, placing kisses between his shoulder blades, and Sebastian shudders, pushing his hips back to ask for more. Mark complies, moving excruciatingly slowly, and Sebastian feels like he’s being split in two, all the air pushed from his lungs when he finally feels Mark’s hips settle against his arse.

“You are so fucking tight,” Mark grits out. “Fuck. Are you okay?”

Sebastian nods vaguely but he’s not really listening anymore, all he can do is feel. He can’t even begin to process the intimacy of this, literally having another person inside him. Mark doesn’t move for the longest time and Sebastian can feel the impatience creeping in, the edge fading off the sensations and leaving him needing more. He rocks his hips experimentally, not expecting such an intense sensation to run all the way up his spine. It makes him whimper before he tries again.

“We don’t have to do anything more than this,” Mark tells him but his voice is strained and to Sebastian’s ears it feels like a lie.

“Do it,” Sebastian tells him.

There’s a moment’s pause and then Mark’s hips drag back, pushing back into Sebastian’s body only a fraction quicker than they had the first time. Sebastian whines, arching his back to angle his arse upwards, asking for more. Mark complies but he doesn’t speed up much, setting up a rhythm that feels to Sebastian like something being run in hazy slow motion. It makes him groan, makes his body go boneless, and he doesn’t even realise when Mark speeds up.

Every thrust feels a little easier than the last, the friction easing so that the twinges Sebastian had felt initially as his muscles protested start to melt away. Before he knows it he’s moaning wantonly with every thrust, pushing himself back to meet Mark, something lighting up inside him that he’s never felt before.

“Mark?” he calls.

“Yeah?” Mark responds and Sebastian can feel him trying to reel his thrusts in. He wishes he wouldn’t.

“Can I turn over?”

Mark’s hips stutter at that. “If you want,” he replies, seeming a little unsure.

He gives a couple more thrusts and then pulls out and even though Sebastian asked for it he still makes a noise of disappointment. He flops to his side and then awkwardly flips himself over, legs spreading wide apart as he tries to angle his arse upwards, the feeling of emptiness almost unbearable when his cock is so hard and Mark is right fucking there. Mark reaches over, grabbing two of the pillows from the other side of the bed.

“These are your pillows,” he says.

He has Sebastian’s ankles up in the air before he can even process what’s happening, shoving the pillows under his hips to angle his arse upwards and then he’s pushing his cock back inside and Sebastian grips hold of his shoulders, arching his back and crying out.

“Regret not doing this before now?” Mark teases.

Sebastian meets his eyes. “No,” he says, knowing instantly that he’s given far too much away. Mark stares at him for a moment before he buries his face in Sebastian’s neck, his hips snapping back and setting up a rhythm that seems faster than it was before, taking Sebastian’s breath away.

Mark’s hand wraps around his cock and Sebastian bucks up, crying out, fingernails digging into Mark’s shoulders.

“Too much?” Mark asks and Sebastian thinks he must look pained.

“Yes. No. Fuck,” Sebastian grits out.

Mark smiles, cock moving deep and firm inside Sebastian. “Want me to make you come like this?” he asks, hand gentle on Sebastian’s cock. “Or shall I just get off and deal with you after?”

Sebastian can’t even process the questions let alone make a choice. He closes his eyes, wraps his legs around Mark’s back. “Go with it,” he says breathlessly, finding his body moving fluidly with Mark’s, and he feels like they’re so in tune Mark can’t possibly get this wrong.

Mark touches him, fucks him, leans forward to whisper dirty things in his ear in a way he never has before. Sebastian feels like Mark is so far under his skin he doesn’t know how there can possibly be room for himself in there too. He opens his eyes to look at Mark, lifts his head to kiss him, feeling like he’s breathing in nothing but Mark when he finally comes, his body going rigid as it threatens to drown him, hurting right down to his bones.

Mark keeps fucking him in that hazy moment after he comes when nothing feels real and everything’s too bright and sharp and Sebastian whimpers, wants to beg him to stop, but then Mark is coming too and it gives Sebastian an echo of his own orgasm all over again.

Mark waits until their breathing has levelled before he pulls his cock out, Sebastian wincing at the sensation.

“Sorry,” Mark says, clear sympathy on his face at what Sebastian is feeling. He rolls off Sebastian, laying out on his back, his chest rising and falling in big, deep breaths. Everything about Sebastian’s body feels weird and different and otherworldly. “You okay?” Mark asks, turning his head to the side to look at him.

“Yeah?” Sebastian replies, not meaning for it to come out like a question.

Mark nods. “I know. It’s normal.” He reaches for the lube that lies by his thigh, looking it over. “You got silicone based.”

Sebastian frowns. “Is that bad?”

Mark shakes his head, still looking at the bottle. “Better for a first time. Lasts longer. Bitch to clean up though. You probably want to jump in the shower.” Sebastian feels his face fall. He’s definitely not jumping anywhere right now. Mark looks at him sideways, clearly reading his expression, a smile coming over his face. “Suit yourself, mate, but you’ll wake up in a couple of hours feeling gross,” he warns, tossing the lube aside. He snaps the condom off and considers it for a moment. “I’m taking a shower.”

“Don’t,” Sebastian says, embarrassed by how small and needy his voice sounds.

Mark stops and looks at him. “You alright?”

Sebastian shuffles, wincing slightly at the way it makes his insides feel, freeing himself from the pillows Mark had placed him on. He moves close to Mark’s side, pressing his forehead against Mark’s shoulder. Mark sighs, lifting his arm and wrapping it around him, letting Sebastian cuddle in close to him. Sebastian makes a contented noise, curling closer.

“Ten minutes,” Mark tells him. “Then shower. Both of us.”

Sebastian makes a noncommittal sound, refusing to think a single second ahead of right now.

*

“Where are you going?” Sebastian asks.

Mark turns, pausing in getting dressed to look at Sebastian who has pushed the covers down slightly, looking at him through bleary eyes, his hair sticking up in all directions. Mark can’t help but smile.

“Taking the dogs out,” he says. “Fancy joining me?”

Sebastian wrinkles his nose and pulls the covers back up, cuddling them to his chest.

“Feeling sore?” Mark guesses.

“No,” Sebastian says defiantly.

“Want to go again then?” Mark offers.

A grimace passes over Sebastian’s face. “Fuck off.” He snuggles further into the duvet and it’s so tempting to go and join him.

“Well, don’t get too comfortable, I need you out of bed when I get back, we have a schedule to stick to,” Mark tells him, pulling his sweatshirt on.

“Don’t be the boss,” Sebastian complains. “Not right now.”

“Can’t help it, mate,” Mark replies. “Got too much to do to lie around in bed with you all day, indulging your every whim.”

“We can do that on Monday?” Sebastian asks sweetly.

“On Monday I’m sending you straight back to Switzerland,” Mark tells him. “Get out of bed.”

He doesn’t see much of Sebastian at the track that day and he’s thankful. He’s sure it would act as far too great a distraction. It’s not until late afternoon as he stands outside the garages listening to Adrian’s analysis that he finds Sebastian standing by his side.

“It’s cold,” Sebastian comments, almost to himself, and without even thinking about it Mark shrugs his team jacket off, draping it over Sebastian’s shoulders. “Thanks,” Sebastian says quietly, tugging the jacket tighter around himself, but Mark doesn’t acknowledge him, focussed on taking in everything Adrian is saying. It’s only when he glances at Christian and sees him looking between Mark and Sebastian before raising his eyebrows at Mark that Mark realises what he’s just done.

He avoids Sebastian for the remainder of the day, knowing he’ll just start asking when they can leave the track, staying away from his own office because that’s the first place Sebastian would look for him. He eventually ends up in Christian’s office instead, leaning against the door like he’s trying to stop anyone from kicking it down.

“Do you need something?” Christian prompts when Mark hasn’t spoken for a long time.

Mark purses his lips together, considering his answer, before he sighs, meeting Christian’s eyes. “I think it might be more than just fucking.”

Christian gives a laugh. “It’s really taken you all this time to realise that?”

Mark sags against the door. “I think I might be in over my head, mate.”

“Well, it’s nice to see chivalry isn’t dead anyway,” Christian remarks, turning back to what he was doing.

“You should know,” Mark responds. “Didn’t you invent it?”

“Are you trying to imply something about my age?” Christian asks, trying his best to look unimpressed, but Mark can see the amusement shining in his eyes.

“If I’d held out a couple more years I probably could have got your job,” Mark says.

“Stop annoying me and go talk to Seb,” Christian tells him.

Mark sighs. “That’s not likely, is it?”

“Well, just keep doing things like that for him and you won’t have to say a word,” Christian responds.

“You think?” Mark asks reluctantly, pushing himself away from the door. If Sebastian knows then Mark has no power, not over himself or anything else, and of all the people Mark’s willing to be vulnerable in front of, Sebastian’s not quite on that list.

Christian looks up at him again. “Is it really the worst thing in the world if your boyfriend knows you like him?”

“Teenagers have boyfriends,” Mark dismisses, trying to push the truth away. “I’m not a teenager.”

“Could have fooled me,” Christian responds, turning back to his work.

Mark rolls his eyes, opening the door.

*

Since that weekend, whenever Sebastian is at the factory it’s a given that he can spend the night with Mark. He likes Mark’s home, how comfortable he is there, how real and genuine everything feels within those walls. The dogs get used to Sebastian and can be left alone with him, though he doesn’t dare try and take them for a walk on his own. He likes feeding the chickens though, collecting the eggs, petting the donkey. It’s so far removed from his everyday life that he can almost pretend he’s someone else.

He tries to convince Mark to go away with him over the summer break, just a long weekend maybe. It’s hard to find anywhere in the world where no one truly knows them, but he thinks it might be fun to hole up in some shack in the middle of nowhere and pretend that they’re completely unremarkable.

Mark can’t be convinced but he does take Sebastian on a joyride in his helicopter and this time there’s no Mitch getting in the way like when they flew into Silverstone, stealing the best seat up front with Mark like he can’t tell that Mark and Sebastian are trying to spend time together. Sebastian’s not jealous of Mitch, even though he’s right fucking there all the time, at the end of Mark’s road, letting himself in like there’s no possibility they might be fucking on the kitchen table. Not that they ever are. But Mark doesn’t look at Mitch like that, Sebastian’s certain. Mark never used to look at him like that either though, not until Sebastian convinced him otherwise.

He knows life’s about to speed up again though, the European part of the season over and less than a week before they set off to Singapore and the start of the long haul flights. Sebastian had his final simulator session today and is heading to Germany to spend a few days with his family but he still finds time to stop in on Mark before he goes. Mark doesn’t seem to find much time for him though, going over travel itineraries on his laptop while he leaves Sebastian staring blankly at the TV.

“Fuck,” he grits out, flipping between pages.

Sebastian looks at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Mark dismisses with a shake of his head. “I thought I... I haven’t booked the car for my parents from the airport to the hotel.”

Sebastian frowns. “What hotel?”

“In Singapore,” Mark says, exasperated.

Sebastian feels himself sink down into the sofa and he’s aware that it’s an odd response. “Your parents are coming to Singapore? To the race?”

“Yeah,” Mark says distractedly. “I told you this.”

“But why?” Sebastian asks.

“Because they haven’t seen me all year, I’ve been too busy to get back to Oz or invite them here, so it seemed like a good compromise,” Mark says. “And my dad misses the races, he hasn’t been to one since I retired. I told you all this.”

“You definitely didn’t,” Sebastian insists.

“You just never listen to me,” Mark responds. “All you’re interested in is getting my cock inside you.”

“That’s not true,” Sebastian says. “There’s about a million other things you do to me that I’m just as desperate for. Speaking of which...”

“I have to make a phone call,” Mark says, putting the laptop aside as he gets to his feet.

“Now?” Sebastian asks, looking at his watch. “But I have to leave in half an hour.”

“Not even time for a quickie then, mate,” Mark responds. “Might as well get on with my work.”

“Hey,” Sebastian complains, getting up and crossing the room towards him. “Say goodbye properly.”

Mark gives a put upon sigh but his eyes are soft and amused. “Come here then.”

He takes Sebastian into his arms, looking down at him for a moment before he joins their mouths together, soft at first, several chaste brushes of lips before Sebastian gets impatient and fits their mouths together more fully, licks over Mark’s bottom lip before sucking on it. He can feel Mark smile against him before he tugs him in closer, kissing him deeper, Sebastian resting all his weight against Mark’s body, trusting that Mark will hold him up. The slide of tongues, the way Mark’s hands grip his body, the heat between them as Sebastian’s hips get predictably restless. Mark, the fucking tease, chooses just that moment to pull back, leaving him breathy and wanting.

“Have fun with your folks,” he says.

Sebastian gives him a pouty look, forcing himself to take a step back. “You too,” he responds.

“You’ll be there,” Mark reminds him and Sebastian turns away to hide the expression on his face. Meeting the parents. That feels like a world away from fucking in Mark’s bed.

*

Sebastian’s been distant ever since he arrived in Singapore and Mark’s certain he knows why, even though he wishes he didn’t. He tries to ignore it, giving Sebastian his space, hoping they can just get through the weekend before it all explodes. He doesn’t need one more thing to worry about right now, not with the season getting into the final stages and Red Bull not being in quite the position they’d all hoped they’d be. Ferrari have them matched and it’s looking like their fragile lead on the championship is about to be stolen away.

He considers not going to Sebastian’s hotel room that night, but routine is something they both thrive on, the thing that often pulls them through when everything else seems crazy and out of control. Besides, Sebastian has given him the spare key like he always does so Mark pushes his hesitation aside and lets himself in.

Sebastian is laid on the bed, his back to the door, and Mark thinks he’s asleep at first until he reads the clear tension in Sebastian’s body and his heart sinks. He stands by the door, watching silently for a few moments, trying to think of something to say that might distract them both, but he comes up blank. It feels like a foregone conclusion at this point and he thinks maybe he should just leave.

“We need to talk,” Sebastian says, his voice quiet and sad, and no good ever came from those words.

“Can it wait until after the weekend?” Mark asks. “Let’s just get the race out of the way first.”

Sebastian is silent but Mark can hear his breaths, anxious little puffs of air on each exhale, and it breaks his heart. He wills Sebastian to stay quiet, to not say it, to just pretend for a few more days.

“I think we should break up,” Sebastian says, his voice raw and stripped away.

Mark sighs, more disappointed and annoyed with Sebastian’s timing than what he’s actually doing. He leans against the wall, trying to think of something to say, work out a reasonable way to react to this, when he hears Sebastian sniffle and he moves on instinct, joining him on the bed, lying behind him and holding him close. Sebastian tenses in his arms, hugging himself, but he still leans back against Mark, seeking comfort.

During race weekends, Sebastian gets his own way, that’s how it’s worked for a while now. Mark cares more about a focussed Sebastian getting good race results than he does winning petty arguments so he lets himself be wrapped around Sebastian’s little finger and he takes care of him. Clearly his desire to win is greater than his self-preservation, he thinks, as he strokes Sebastian’s hair.

“Why couldn’t you just have waited?” he asks softly. “Now you’re all upset and this weekend’s going to be a mess.” Sebastian sniffs again, lifting a hand to wipe a tear from his face, and Mark leans over to kiss him on the temple. “It’ll be okay,” Mark tells him. “Head down, job done.”

“You should go,” Sebastian says, voice cracked and broken.

“Yeah,” Mark agrees. He doesn’t want to leave though, doesn’t want Sebastian to fall apart, because his job depends on this. He finally untangles himself, sitting up, a consoling hand still resting on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Shall I call Heikki? Someone?”

“I want to be on my own,” Sebastian replies.

“Right,” Mark nods, lifting his hand away. “Yeah, okay.”

He looks around the room but there’s nothing of his here, not this early in the weekend. By Sunday night everything’s tangled together, unclear where one ends and the other begins, but for now it’s simple. Separate rooms; separate lives.

He turns back to Sebastian, trying to think of something to say, but it all seems pointless so he lets himself out of the room, feeling numb as he walks down the anonymous hotel corridor. He could be anywhere and he thinks maybe this doesn’t hurt as much as it should because a life in transit can never have a solid base.

He stays out of Sebastian’s way as much as he can over the weekend, entertaining his parents and camping out down at Toro Rosso. Things seem so much simpler when he concentrates on only what he places right in front of himself.

Sebastian predictably underperforms and Mark feels guilty even though he wasn’t the one who started this. It’s not until he says goodbye to his parents on Monday afternoon and boards his flight to Thailand that it finally catches up with him. This wasn’t the plan but it seems like the only sane option right now; sun, sea and all the alcohol he can handle. It’s supposed to be a party but as the plane lifts from the runway Mark realises the only thing he intends to do this week is drown his sorrows.

*

It’s two weeks between races and Sebastian knows that Mark flew to Thailand early with the race crew. For the guys it’s a well earned break between races, a week to relax in the sun before the punishing schedule and sleepless nights start up again. For Mark, Sebastian’s not so sure and it makes him nervous. Mark has every right to be upset with Sebastian, to be angry with him, and he has a worrying tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve. If he’s spent all week venting to Sebastian’s mechanics then Sebastian might find himself very unpopular by the time he gets to Thailand.

That’s not his main concern after a couple of days though. His main concern is that he’s fucked it up and the only person he wants to go to for comfort is Mark. Everything had been going so well, a kind of fluidity to their relationship that Sebastian got completely caught up in, but then suddenly there was an expectation placed on it all and Sebastian felt sure that he couldn’t live up to it.

He sees Mark on the Thursday and he looks fucking gorgeous. His skin is tanned, giving him a healthy glow, and Sebastian can barely resist the urge to go over and see if it’s as warm to the touch as it looks. On his right arm he has several brightly coloured string bracelets, the kind you can buy on the beach, and Sebastian imagines him being approached by insistent vendors and buying something just to get rid of them.

Sebastian has a busy schedule, media obligations taking up most of his day, but he finds himself looking for Mark everywhere he goes, a constant distraction to what he’s supposed to be doing. It was hard to miss Mark while he was sat alone in Switzerland but it’s even harder to miss him when Mark is right there.

After dinner he spends some time in his private room with Heikki, knowing that he’s just avoiding going back to the hotel. Empty beds are the worst part. Empty beds and adrenaline and doubt. Mark was his outlet. Mark was the thing that was keeping him sane.

It’s late evening when Heikki finally makes him agree that it’s time to leave, but as he walks through the motorhome he sees Mark sitting alone at the table he was previously sharing with Christian and Adrian, and he finds himself stopping in his tracks. There’s not many people around now, some of the catering staff clearing away, a few team members milling around. Mark is sat reading a magazine, not even working, and Sebastian gets the impression that he doesn’t want to go back to an empty hotel room either.

“Wait here,” he tells Heikki. He doesn’t miss the frustrated huff Heikki gives as Sebastian walks away. “Hey,” he says, dropping down into the chair opposite Mark, resting his foot on the seat of his chair so he can hug his knee to his chest.

Mark looks up at him, guarded and clearly uncomfortable. “Hi.”

“Did you have a fun week at the beach?” Sebastian asks.

Mark gives him an irritated look. “No, Seb, I really didn’t.”

“Oh,” Sebastian says, embarrassed. He drops his head down. “Nice bracelets.”

“That rumour’s not true,” Mark dismisses.

Sebastian frowns. “What rumour?”

Mark looks at him, considering him for a moment, and then shakes his head. “Nothing. Never mind. Don’t listen to anything the mechanics say.”

“Okay,” Sebastian agrees. “I won’t.”

Mark gives a nod, looking back down at his magazine, and Sebastian’s dying to ask but he knows that Mark won’t tell him. Maybe he should ask the mechanics. They seemed fine with him today but Sebastian’s still worried they’ll take Mark’s side over his if it comes down to it. He doesn’t want to put himself in a position to find out.

He looks across the room to Heikki who’s stood impatiently, arms crossed over his chest. He raises his eyebrows at Sebastian, giving him a look, and Sebastian sighs, turning back to Mark.

“I should get back to the hotel.”

“Yes you should,” Mark agrees, not bothering to look up.

“Right,” Sebastian says. “I’ll do that then.” He gets to his feet, hesitating for a second. “It was nice to see you again. I missed you.”

Mark looks up at him slowly, an expression on his face like he’d really like to break Sebastian’s jaw, but then he looks back down again without comment.

“Bye,” Sebastian says hurriedly, heading back over to Heikki’s side.

*

Every time Mark turns around, Sebastian seems to be right there with those big sad eyes and that defeated posture. Mark tries to be reasonable about it, they work in the same place, they can’t avoid each other completely, but even when Mark is keeping himself busy with Carlos and Tom down at Toro Rosso, even when he’s having dinner with Mitch in the hotel restaurant, Sebastian seems to be over his shoulder and Mark can feel the tension rising in his body, ready to snap. He can’t even begin to think about getting over Sebastian when he keeps looking at him like that.

When Sebastian approaches him after the second practice session, making his way through a crowded motorhome and clearly heading for Mark, it’s the last straw.

“Can I have a word?” he hisses as soon is Sebastian is close enough to hear, turning around and heading for his office. He knows that Sebastian will follow. He closes the door behind them both, watching as Sebastian sits himself down.

“You can’t break up with me and then follow me around like a lovesick puppy,” Mark says. “It’s not fair.”

Sebastian looks up at him, lost. “I wasn’t.”

“You were,” Mark insists, moving to sit at the other side of the desk. “You really fucking were.”

Sebastian looks down at his lap. “I’m sorry,” he says, the words so small that Mark barely hears them.

“This is my _job_ ,” Mark says. “You can’t behave like this. If you keep making it so difficult for us to work together, one of us is going to have to go.” 

Sebastian looks up at him. “No.”

“Yes,” Mark responds. “And who do you think they’re going to get rid of? Not the six time world champion, that’s for sure.”

“They wouldn’t get rid of you,” Sebastian insists.

“They will if you keep underperforming and it can be traced so easily back to me,” Mark tells him. “If I look like a problem, the easiest way for Dietrich to solve it is to get rid of me.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows knit together, a deep frown on his face, and Mark tries very hard not to notice how adorable an expression it is. That won’t do either of them any favours right now. Sebastian’s face softens and he looks up at Mark, a quirk to his lips that’s neither happy nor sad but oddly grown up, like he understands the absurdity of this situation but knows they have to navigate it all the same.

“So don’t fuck this up for me,” Mark says. “I like this job. I want to keep it.”

Sebastian nods. Mark sighs, sagging back in his chair.

“Show some speed tomorrow,” Mark tells him. “Get me a pole position. Make me proud.” He pauses, realising that wasn’t quite what he meant to say. “Make me look good.”

“I can do that,” Sebastian agrees. “The making you look good. I can’t promise a pole.”

Mark nods, looking at his watch and contemplating his schedule for the afternoon.

“And I really don’t think Dietrich would fire you just because we broke up,” Sebastian says.

Mark looks at him sadly. “You really don’t know how business works.” He takes his phone out of his pocket. “Now get out of here. I’ve got things to do.”

“Okay, boss,” Sebastian agrees. “I’ll do better, I promise.”

“I don’t want words, I want results,” Mark says, and as Sebastian leaves the room Mark wonders when he became the kind of guy who would say things like that with no sense of irony.

The talk seems to have the right effect on Sebastian at least. He keeps his head down and it’s much more like watching the old Sebastian work. He manages to qualify second and while it’s not a pole it’s not a disaster either, even if the Ferraris of Jules and Nico either side of him are going to make things difficult tomorrow. Still, Mark can see that fire and determination in his eyes and he knows he’s aiming for nothing short of the win. It’s heartening to see.

There’s still that hint of sadness underneath everything though, something Mark feels like he’s especially attuned to pick up on. It bleeds into his own mood and he feels guilty for going off at Sebastian like that. They’re both feeling fragile right now and Mark feels like he should offer an olive branch, especially seeing as Sebastian did what he asked.

Sebastian eats with Heikki and a couple of his engineers in the motorhome. The engineers predictably have to leave early, no time to sit around chatting, and when Heikki gets up and heads across to the bathroom, Sebastian is left alone and Mark sees his chance. He heads over to catering first, asking for what he needs, and then he sits himself down opposite Sebastian.

“Good job today.”

Sebastian looks up at him, a smile flickering across his face. “Thanks. Not quite pole but I was only a tenth off.”

Mark nods. “We’re in a good position. Thank you.”

Sebastian looks touched. Mark places the scissors on the table between them. Sebastian frowns.

“Are you going to stab me?”

“No,” Mark dismisses.

“Do you want me to stab you?” Sebastian asks.

“I feel like we already did that,” Mark responds. It’s meant to be a joke but the look on Sebastian’s face makes him instantly regret it. He sighs, offering out his right arm. “Do me a favour, mate. Cut these fucking things off.”

Sebastian smiles slightly at that, reaching for the scissors. He hesitates. “That rumour’s not true?”

Mark looks at him, trying to work out whether he really knows or not. It was just a joke, the guys trying to cheer him up, pointing out that the easiest way to get over Sebastian would be to have a little no strings fun with someone else. The next morning he bought a bracelet from an especially charming and persuasive vendor at the beach and the guys claimed that it must represent an imaginary conquest from the night before.

After that they were all buying him bracelets to keep the joke alive and Mark wore them all because it was easier to smile along with them and pretend he was okay than admit to himself how much he wanted to go hide in his hotel room and smother himself with a pillow. Now every time he looks at his arm he can’t see the funny side at all and he just wants to move on from that week.

He sighs, meeting Sebastian’s eyes. “You really think I’m that guy?”

Sebastian looks confused and Mark thinks he must have been bullshitting after all, he hasn’t heard the jokes. He picks up the scissors, looking down at Mark’s arm, considering it for a moment before he reaches forward, snipping off the first bracelet.

“If someone broke up with me for no reason,” he says, not looking up from what he’s doing, “I’d probably be that guy.”

“Not me,” Mark dismisses.

Sebastian lifts his eyes up for a moment, and it’s too brief a look for Mark to read everything in his expression, but he doesn’t miss the tiny smile that just lifts the edges of his lips. He nods as he looks back down, snipping off each bracelet one by one, and Mark feels freed as they fall away from him. It feels like they’re destroying this thing that came between them, taking down the barrier and giving them hope for a reconciliation. Mark’s not usually one for being so sentimental, he likes real solutions not metaphors, but it’s been obvious from the start that this was never going to be straightforward.

*

It’s not a win but it’s a podium and that’s really the maximum they could have hoped for this weekend. There’s a trophy to take home, more points for the championship campaign, but Sebastian feels more exhausted than elated. When he gets back to the hotel that evening he sees Mark checking out and he knows that he shouldn’t but he can’t help going over to him. He’s too tired to resist the urge to just fold into him and make everything better.

“Hey,” Mark says, giving him a genuine smile when he sees him approach. “Great job today.”

Sebastian shrugs. He knows he did good, but it never feels good enough without the win. “You going back to England?” he asks. “When’s your flight? I was thinking about doing some work at the factory...”

“I’m going to Salzburg,” Mark cuts in before he can give any more embarrassing excuses.

“Oh,” Sebastian says, his brain immediately working on reasons why he might need to go there too, but of course there’s nothing.

“I spent a week on a beach in Thailand,” Mark states, signing the papers the receptionist hands over to him. “I have some making up to do.”

Sebastian nods. Mark thanks the receptionist and picks up his bags, heading to the door. Sebastian keeps step beside him.

“Can I come with you?”

Mark stops and looks at him. “To Salzburg?”

Sebastian opens his mouth to answer but he realizes how ridiculous any possible response would sound. He sighs. “I have some making up to do too.”

“Go home, Seb,” Mark tells him.

“But...”

“I have to work,” Mark states. He adjusts his bags before meeting Sebastian’s eyes. “I’ll come see you in Switzerland as soon as I’m done. Promise.”

Sebastian feels a swell of hope inside him. “Yeah?”

“I don’t break promises,” Mark says firmly. “I’ll see you later.”

Sebastian’s lips quirk up into a smile. “Okay.”

Mark stares at him for a moment, something soft about the expression on his face before he turns away, heading for the door.

Sebastian doesn’t sleep much that night, running through in his head a million times what he’s going to say to Mark, but the words are different every time and by morning he feels less sure than ever. He tries to keep himself busy, his workout distracted but at least filling some time.

After he showers he contemplates his house, marvelling at how one week of feeling sorry for himself can lead to such a mess. He tidies up but his efforts become more half-hearted as the day goes on, more interested in checking his phone than making the place presentable. It’s not until the evening that he finally gets a text from Mark.

_\- It’s getting late, I’m going to stay at the hotel again tonight. I’ll catch a flight in the morning._

Sebastian feels his heart fall, not so much at the news as the way it’s presented. No apology, no explanation, no expression of regret that they can’t be together, and Sebastian wonders if this reunion really means as much to Mark as it does to him. It’s not the first time he’s wondered whether this relationship is a bit too one-sided.

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to calm down. Mark’s probably been working hard all day, more than likely under at least mild disapproval at abandoning his post for a week, even if Dietrich had given him permission beforehand. Sebastian can understand why he wouldn’t want to jump straight on a plane to have a conversation that’s unlikely to be a great deal of fun.

_\- OK. Sleep well x_

He waits for a while in case a reply comes through but when it’s obvious that’s the end of the exchange he tosses his phone onto the sofa next to him and hugs a cushion to his chest, feeling lonelier than ever.

It’s nearly lunchtime when Mark eventually arrives at his house, still carrying around all his bags from Thailand and looking tired and worn. Sebastian takes the bags out of his hands and dumps them in the hallway. He turns back around and contemplates Mark. He wants to hug him, wants to kiss him and touch him because it feels like the easiest way to tell Mark everything he wants to say, but he doesn’t think he gets to do that yet.

“Do you want a drink?” he offers instead.

“Just a water,” Mark responds.

Sebastian nods. “I’ll grab it. Go through, sit down.”

He gestures through the doorway and then heads into the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge. Mark is stood by the large windows in the living room, looking over the view. Sebastian watches him for a moment before going over to join him, offering out one of the bottles.

“Thanks, mate,” Mark says, twisting it open as he looks back over at the view. “It’s really beautiful here.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, following his gaze, but he soon finds his eyes back on Mark. “Everything go okay in Salzburg?”

“Yeah, it was fine,” Mark replies, taking a few sips of his water.

“You, uh, you get everything done you needed to?” Sebastian asks, trying desperately to keep the conversation going because he doesn’t know what comes next.

Mark turns to face him, leaning against the window. “I don’t think you invited me here to talk about work.”

Sebastian shakes his head, feeling the embarrassment crawling over his skin. “No,” he agrees. “I didn’t.”

Mark nods and then he tips his head back, drinking some more water down. He pushes himself away from the window and wanders slowly across the room, sitting on the sofa. Sebastian follows him with his eyes, hopping up onto the windowsill. If he goes to sit next to Mark he’s pretty sure he won’t be able to control himself. He swings his legs back and forth, watching Mark’s throat move as he swallows, and the longing is almost unbearable.

“I love you.”

He’s not sure if he means to say it or not but there’s a certain relief that comes when the words leave his mouth. Mark looks over at him, his expression unreadable, but Sebastian’s fairly certain it’s not one of joy.

“You know, those aren’t magical, make everything better words, mate,” he says. “You can’t just say that and brush everything else under the carpet and not have to prove it.”

Sebastian swallows, feeling like a small child. “Okay,” he says. “But I do.”

“I do too,” Mark agrees.

Sebastian pauses, trying to process what he’s just heard. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Mark says. “I do.”

Sebastian can’t help the grin that comes over his face, biting down on his lip to try and look like less of a goofy idiot. He feels like he might burst.

“Doesn’t make this easy,” Mark tells him. “No shortcuts.”

Sebastian nods, trying to make himself look more serious. He looks down, playing with his hands, trying to find the right words, but there are no right words, not for this. He just needs to let the truth be as messy as it is and hope that they can salvage something.

“I got scared,” he says, his voice small and weak.

“I know,” Mark agrees.

Sebastian looks up at him, feeling his cheeks heat. “I’m sorry, I don’t even know, I just...” He gives a frustrated sigh, looking down at his hands again. “I’ve never done this before.”

“The sex?” Mark asks.

“No,” Sebastian dismisses. “Well, yeah. But that’s not...” He takes a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. “It’s always been racing. That’s all I’ve ever cared about, I just wanted to make it. I never had much time for anyone else, not like that. I’ve never done the big serious relationship thing before.”

“This is a big serious relationship?” Mark asks.

Sebastian looks up at him through his eyelashes. “Isn’t that what I love you means?”

“Means a lot of things,” Mark dismisses, leaning back into the sofa. “But, yeah, I guess. But this doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want it to be. I’ve been pretty free and easy about you setting the rules here, mate.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees. He fidgets on the window ledge. “But I didn’t want to meet your parents.”

Mark gives him a look like he’s a total idiot. “You’ve met my parents a million times.”

“Not like that,” Sebastian insists. “Not as your...” He cuts himself short, looking away. “That’s a big deal. I freaked out, I’m sorry.”

“If you didn’t want to meet them you could have just said you didn’t want to meet them,” Mark says. “We would have gladly stayed out of your way.”

“But what kind of message does that send?” Sebastian asks, exasperated. “That makes it sound like this doesn’t mean anything to me, like you’re just a casual fuck.”

“I told you, it can be whatever you want it to be,” Mark says again. “The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable. It’s my job to have you on top form.”

“I don’t want to be your job,” Sebastian explodes. “I want to be your boyfriend.”

Mark considers him for a moment. “Well come over here then,” he says, nodding to the space beside him on the sofa. Sebastian hops down off the windowsill, going to join him. Mark rests his head back with a sigh.

“I want it to be serious,” Sebastian says. “It is serious. To me.”

Mark nods. “Then it’s serious. We can do that.”

“But you have to want it,” Sebastian says, frustrated. “It has to go both ways.”

“It does,” Mark says, a surprising softness in his voice. “I want it. I missed you, mate. The last two weeks have not been fun. But you have to be honest with me. I don’t care if you’re scared. I don’t care if you’re freaking out and you need some space. Just say that. Don’t run.”

Sebastian nods. “And I really do love you,” he says. “It terrifies me, but I do.”

“Me too,” Mark agrees. “On both counts.”

Sebastian smiles. “Haven’t you done all this before?”

“Yeah,” Mark replies. “But someone like you was never part of the plan.”

Sebastian doesn’t know what to make of that. He has to admit that someone like Mark was never part of his plan either, but he can’t help how small Mark’s comment makes him feel. Mark is smiling at him softly though, reaching up to touch his cheek, and Sebastian leans forward, joining their mouths. He swears he can feel it everywhere as their lips fit together, his body responding so effortlessly to Mark. He tries to deepen the kiss, sucks on Mark’s lower lip as he moves closer, one hand sliding to Mark’s thigh as he goes to straddle him but Mark pushes him gently but insistently back.

“Not right now,” he says, voice slightly hoarse.

“But, make up sex,” Sebastian says. He gives Mark a flirtatious look. “I hear that’s the best part of a fight.”

“We didn’t have a fight,” Mark dismisses. Sebastian frowns and Mark gives a heavy sigh. “Look, mate, I’m tired and I’m hungry and I’m just not in the mood,” he says. “Why don’t we go out for lunch instead, yeah?”

Sebastian shifts back, embarrassed. “Lunch?”

“Where’s good round here?”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says. “I don’t go out much.”

“Oh,” Mark says, blinking a couple of times.

“Um, there’s a place I went with Kimi once that was okay,” Sebastian offers. “I mean, it’s nothing special, just casual.”

“Mate, I’m not expecting candlelight and soft music,” Mark replies. “Just some half-decent tucker will do me.”

“Okay,” Sebastian agrees. “Great. We can go there then.” He hesitates. “We’re okay?” he asks. “I mean, we’re heading towards okay? We’ll be alright?”

Mark sits up, reaching over and putting a hand around the back of Sebastian’s neck to pull him closer. “Stop over thinking. Just let it be.”

He kisses Sebastian firmly and Sebastian closes his eyes, making an appreciative noise, but he can’t help noticing that wasn’t a real answer. As Mark pulls back, leaving him wanting, Sebastian feels a _need_ for him that’s so far beyond sex and the fact that it’s clearly not reciprocated hurts.

“Ready?” Mark asks, his hand sliding away from Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian opens his eyes, nodding.

“Uh huh.”

“Let’s go,” Mark smiles, getting to his feet, and Sebastian tries very hard not to look as devastated as he feels.

*

Lunch is strained at first and it’s obvious that Sebastian is feeling put out at Mark declining his offer of sex, but Mark needs this to be based on more than that. If Sebastian has the ability to rip out his heart, he’d rather know it was grounded on something solid, something real, something more than years worth of sexual tension and his inability to refuse Sebastian anything because his brain is hardwired to get that win.

He wants Sebastian though, on that same base level that Sebastian wants him, and it scares him. It’s true that he’s done all this before, sex, love, relationships, but the lack of self-control he feels whenever he and Sebastian are in the same room leaves him feeling like a bewildered teenager all over again and he can’t ignore the voice in his head that tells him he really needs to look out for himself here because Sebastian has the potential to turn his whole life upside just by looking at him the right way.

Sebastian relaxes over lunch, comes out of his shell, and it’s nice to just spend some time together, away from the track, away from the bedroom. Mark’s not really sure if he’s testing Sebastian or himself but he feels like maybe they’re winning. He thinks back to the summer, Sebastian wanting to go away with him, and he wonders if that was really such a bad idea. Maybe if they make it to the winter break he’ll have to set aside some time for it.

They get back to Sebastian’s house and everything starts to feel charged and dangerous again. Sebastian stands by the large windows in the living room, gazing out for a few moments before he turns back to face Mark. Mark looks at him, licking over his lips, the way he’s so perfectly framed by the view, and it’s embarrassing how quickly the urge, the _need_ , overtakes him.

Sebastian meets his eyes and Mark moves forward, crowding Sebastian against the window as he slides his hands under his sweater and shirt, finding the warm skin beneath. Sebastian makes a little noise in his throat, pushing closer. Mark dips his head, kissing Sebastian’s neck while his hands explore the smooth flesh, roaming over and over until impatience gets the better of him and he shifts back to tug the clothing off. He pushes Sebastian against the window, Sebastian hissing and squirming away, pushing himself back into Mark.

“Cold,” he complains.

“Sorry,” Mark says, sliding his hands up Sebastian’s back and hooking them over his shoulders to act as a buffer between him and the chilled glass. Sebastian wraps his arms around Mark’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. “You look good here,” Mark says, dipping his head to join their mouths again. “Against the view. You’re both gorgeous.”

Sebastian’s eyes go soft and then he hops up onto the windowsill, opening his legs wide and pulling Mark into him. They kiss again, a slide of tongues that makes them both breathless as Mark presses their hips together, grinding against him. Sebastian moans into his mouth, fingers closing around the back of Mark’s t-shirt as he grabs handfuls of the material, trying to wrap his legs around him too.

“Bedroom?” Mark asks breathlessly.

Sebastian makes a noise that Mark can’t quite decipher so he decides to just grab him and drag him in the right direction. Once they’re through the door Sebastian grabs lube and condoms from the drawer by the bed and throws them down onto the mattress, keeping his eyes locked with Mark’s as he unfastens his jeans, shoving them down.

They strip themselves, climbing onto the bed from opposite sides and meeting in the middle, hands and mouths immediately seeking each other out. They fall sideways to sprawl on the bed, Sebastian pulling Mark on top of him and hitching his hips upwards, his whole body arching with the movement.

Mark grabs the lube, impatiently slicking his fingers while Sebastian’s hands slide over his chest to his shoulders, trying to pull him down again. Mark resists, pressing his fingers against Sebastian’s entrance, loving the look on Sebastian’s face as he manages to push one inside. Sebastian lifts his hips up to meet him and Mark braces himself on his free hand as he leans over Sebastian’s body, pressing further inside him.

He doesn’t want to rush it, wants to make sure he does it properly; Sebastian’s still pretty new to this whole thing and not as relaxed about it as his slutty little come ons would suggest. Mark’s impatience is getting the better of him though and he needs this now. Sebastian doesn’t complain when Mark pulls his fingers out, doesn’t look apprehensive when he lines up his cock. He takes a deep breath and he reaches out for Mark and he keens in the most beautiful way when Mark pushes inside him.

Mark stays there for a moment, just breathing and feeling and watching all the tiny little things that flicker over Sebastian’s face. This isn’t just sex, but he’s known that for a long time and that’s what scares him. He feels like he might be setting himself up for a fall because as much as he wants to believe Sebastian’s earnest apologies he’s not even sure Sebastian really appreciates what’s at stake here.

Mark offers his hands down to Sebastian. “Come on.”

Sebastian blinks at him. “What?”

“Here,” Mark says, taking hold of his hands. He pulls Sebastian up so that he’s sitting in his lap, and as Sebastian shifts himself to keep his balance he settles himself so that Mark’s cock goes even deeper. “See,” Mark says breathlessly. “Like that. Yeah?”

Sebastian shudders, looking completely overwhelmed. His breaths come out shaky, staring at Mark with his mouth open like he can’t even begin to comprehend what he’s feeling. “Shit.”

Mark smiles, leaning in to nuzzle at the side of his face. “Try moving.”

Sebastian rocks his hips experimentally, a high whine coming out at the tiny movement. He stills, composing himself, and then tries again, the movement slightly more confident.

“Fuck,” he breathes out.

Mark pulls back to look at his face, his expression conflicted, like he can’t quite handle being in control of this. “Keep going,” he encourages. “You feel fucking amazing.”

Sebastian nods, his expression shifting to something almost broken, and then he starts to move, a gentle little rhythm as he adjusts to the sensation. Mark wraps his arms around him and Sebastian pushes back into them, arching his back to get a better angle, and it’s a moment of such abandon that Mark feels privileged to witness it. This isn’t his usual overwhelmed naivety, this is what lies beneath it, and Mark feels like it might just be enough to save them.

He moves his own hips upwards to meet Sebastian’s thrusts, pushing himself deeper, making Sebastian moan and screw his eyes shut. His hands are gripping Mark’s shoulders, clinging on for dear life, and then suddenly he pulls, forcing himself insistently backwards.

“Fuck this,” he mutters. They fall, Mark landing a little too heavily on Sebastian and giving him a questioning look. “Sorry,” Sebastian says. “Can we just... Please?”

Mark considers their positions for a moment and then decides not to think about it too much, pushing his cock back inside Sebastian and watching the pleasure wash over him afresh. Mark allows himself to get lost in it, clinging to the raw, ragged emotion that Sebastian displayed when he was on top of him, certain that it’s something he can trust.

“Love you,” Sebastian mumbles in the aftermath, pushing himself to Mark’s side like an insistent cat that wants petting. Mark pulls him close, unable to resist.

“Not magic words,” Mark reminds him.

Sebastian makes a sleepy noise. “But true words. I like them.” He cranes up to place a kiss on Mark’s cheek. “I like you.”

Mark smiles. “Now there’s something I never thought I’d hear you say.”

“Sometimes life surprises you,” Sebastian responds.

Mark looks down at him, eyes closed and expression so wonderfully peaceful. “Yeah,” he agrees softly. “Sometimes it does.”

*

Sebastian feels embarrassingly loved up as they head out to India together. They check into two separate hotel rooms but when they get into the lift, Mark only presses the button for Sebastian’s floor. Sebastian smiles to himself, barely able to keep his hands off Mark when they get into the room. The only thing they unpack that night is the lube.

Sebastian knows how important focus and routine are to a race weekend and so he tries to keep both firmly in place. He relies on Heikki to keep him motivated on the goal and ready for the challenges, Britta to tell him what his responsibilities are and steer him around the paddock, Rocky to keep him up to date with his job on track. He’s not sure what he’d do without them, and yet he feels like maybe he’s doing all this just to make Mark smile.

As soon as they enter the paddock it’s understood that they’re colleagues and nothing more; Sebastian gets no special treatment and blowjobs in Sebastian’s private room seem to be sadly a thing of the past. He might be so horny for Mark it’s like a physical itch lately but he prefers this security to the fantasy he used to entertain of being bent over the desk in Mark’s office and fucked until he screamed. Boundaries are important and make it so much more satisfying when they’re locked away in that hotel room at night.

They lie on the bed, Sebastian half-heartedly flicking through channels on the TV while Mark flicks through the latest Red Bulletin magazine in a way that makes Sebastian think he sees it as work. Sebastian shifts his foot over, rubbing it against Mark’s while he watches him out of the corner of his eye, waiting for a reaction.

“No,” Mark says, not looking up from his magazine.

Sebastian laughs, turning to face him. “No?”

“Wait until you’re forty and then see how many times you can fuck before your dick falls off,” Mark responds.

“Your dick’s fallen off?” Sebastian asks with mock concern, reaching out to feel his crotch. Mark grabs his hand, giving him a look, but Sebastian can see the amusement shining through in his expression. “That’s okay,” Sebastian says. “You can still use your hands. And your mouth.”

“Give over,” Mark tells him, letting go of his hand, dropping it back down onto Sebastian’s lap. “You’re not so young yourself, mate.”

“I’m still in my twenties,” Sebastian reminds him.

“Just,” Mark grumbles.

“But I feel about sixteen right now,” Sebastian continues.

“Then I feel like a cradle robber,” Mark responds. “And you have a race tomorrow.”

“And I got a pole today,” Sebastian says. “It’s under control.”

“Well, I’m just assuring you’ll be sat comfortably in the cockpit for the duration, mate,” Mark replies. Sebastian rolls his eyes. Mark yawns, tossing the magazine aside. “I’m getting ready for bed.”

Sebastian, already showered and changed for sleep, flicks off the TV, slipping beneath the covers. He checks his alarm for the morning and turns the lamp off on his side of the bed. When Mark returns he climbs into the other side of the bed, turning off his light and moving in close to Sebastian. His hands instantly find their way under Sebastian’s T-shirt, pulling him in close as he kisses him. Sebastian makes a pleased noise, parting his lips as Mark pushes him down against the mattress, half-covering his body with his own.

“Hands and mouth?” Sebastian asks as Mark kisses his neck.

“Hmm?” Mark asks.

“If your dick’s fallen off,” Sebastian says.

Mark grins against his flesh. “No. Just this.”

He moves back, pulling Sebastian with him so they’re pressed together on their sides. His fingers skim over Sebastian’s back, his sides, before he tugs the material upwards.

“We could take this off though,” he suggests. “Warm flesh. All naked and free.”

“I’ll be cold,” Sebastian says.

“We’re in India,” Mark says incredulously.

“And you have the aircon up too high,” Sebastian returns.

Mark sighs. “Yeah, fine.”

He pulls Sebastian’s T-shirt back down but slides one hand inside it, settling at the small of Sebastian’s back. Sebastian hums appreciatively, pressing his face closer to Mark’s neck to breathe him in.

“Night,” Mark murmurs.

Sebastian smiles to himself. “Night.”

The race the next day doesn’t go how any of them planned and without converting his pole into a win, Sebastian sees the championship slipping away from him. The Ferraris have been edging closer for a while and by taking the race win, Nico moves eight points ahead of Sebastian in the drivers’ championship. Jules rounds up the podium meaning that Ferrari gain seven extra points over Red Bull in the constructors’. This is not the news the team needs with only three races to go.

The effect on Mark’s mood is instant and Sebastian can already tell that reality has truly shattered their little honeymoon period they’ve been suspended in since Switzerland. Tension radiates off Mark as they pack up their things in the hotel room that evening. He’s not even paying attention to what he’s doing, giving little care to whose things he’s putting in which suitcase, and Sebastian just sits on the bed and watches him. He doesn’t know how to make this better and somehow he feels like it’s all his fault. He’s supposed to win.

Mark is either locked away in meetings or buried in analysis for most of the week leading up to the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. Sebastian tries to stay out of the way, concentrating on what he needs to do to pull this championship campaign back towards him. He spends most of his time with Heikki, preparing physically and mentally for the challenge he knows he’s going to face this weekend. When he fails to get on the front row on the grid he starts to worry that things are moving further out of his control.

On Saturday afternoon he walks past the meeting room in the Energy Station and sees Mark seated at the table through the open door. All the key team members are there and Sebastian knows exactly what they’re going to be talking about. He pauses by the doorway, people still coming in and out, the meeting not quite underway yet, but he can see Mark already engrossed in data. He goes inside, standing beside him.

“Hey.”

Mark looks up and manages to produce a small smile from somewhere. “Hey. Strategy meeting. You’re welcome to join.”

Sebastian would normally be sat there already, soaking everything up, turning the steam of data into the perfect racing line, but he thinks that watching Mark struggle with the possibility they might be losing this championship isn’t going to help him get into the right frame of mind for tomorrow at all.

“I’ll pass,” he says. “I’ve got some work to do with Heikki. Body and mind and focus. I’ll get the highlights from Rocky and Christian in the morning.”

Mark nods. “Good idea. Take some time for you.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, but he feels like he’s had entirely too much time for himself lately. “You’ll be late,” he says, not a question but a resignation.

“Probably,” Mark agrees. “I’ll try to be quiet.”

Sebastian gives him a grateful smile and he really wants to lean down and kiss him but he knows this isn’t the time nor the place. He offers a little wave instead, heading for the door.

Spending time with Heikki helps him get his head straight and his mind focussed on what he needs to do tomorrow. He laid on the bed, headphones on, inspirational playlist lulling him off to sleep, when he feels the mattress dip, opening his eyes to see Mark sat at the end of the bed, taking off his shoes. Sebastian smiles to himself, glancing at his watch before pulling his headphones off. Not too late to stay up a while longer and indulge in some of Mark’s company.

Mark looks at him over his shoulder. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

Sebastian shakes his head, crawling up the bed to join him. “Wasn’t sleeping.” He kneels behind Mark, placing his hands on his shoulders and feeling the knotted up muscles. “You’re really tense.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Mark agrees. Sebastian begins to knead with the pads of his thumbs but Mark tries to shrug him off. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

Heikki gave Sebastian a quick rub down earlier and Sebastian looks over to confirm he left the massage oil here. He smiles to himself, getting up to grab it.

“Lie down,” he instructs.

Mark looks over at him. “What?”

Sebastian holds up the bottle. “Take off your shirt and lie face down.”

Mark smiles slightly, looking touched, but he shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s soothing,” Sebastian tells him. “Indulge me.”

Mark lips turn into a full smile and he stands up, pulling his shirt over his head. “Well, if you insist.”

He lies down in the middle of the bed and Sebastian wastes no time in straddling him. He flips open the bottle, pouring some of the oil into his hands and rubbing them together to warm it. Placing his palms flat on Mark’s shoulders he slides them down his torso, moving them back up and working the oil over his skin until there’s a warm sheen.

He knows a bit about physiotherapy and manipulation but probably not enough to do it effectively and besides, sports massages fucking hurt. That’s really not what Mark needs right now, he just needs some of the tension lifted from his tight muscles, so Sebastian concentrates of making it slow and sensuous, hands sliding over Mark’s body until he feels that give, Mark groaning appreciatively as he melts into the bed. Sebastian finds the slick slide of skin, the monotonous movement, incredibly calming, losing himself to the sensations and the repetition.

“Lift up a minute,” Mark tells him.

“What?” Sebastian asks, sliding his hands away.

“Let me turn over.”

Sebastian kneels up, steadying himself as Mark rolls himself onto his back beneath him. As Sebastian sits back astride his hips he can instantly feel how hard Mark is. He looks down, blood starting to pool in his own groin already.

“You can ignore that,” Mark tells him.

Sebastian laughs, grinning at him. “I really can’t,” he says, grinding down against him for emphasis. Mark’s face tightens but Sebastian loves those tiny little tells of pleasure that flicker over it. “Give me a minute, I’ll be in the same position anyway,” Sebastian tells him.

“Yeah?” Mark asks, searching Sebastian’s face for the answer to a much bigger question. Sebastian nods and Mark slides his hands up Sebastian’s thighs, fingers edging just beneath his shorts. “Wanna do it like this?” Mark asks.

“Like this?” Sebastian repeats.

“Like at your house,” Mark says. “When you were riding me. Remember?”

“Oh,” Sebastian says and he can feel his cheeks heat.

It had felt so intense, having Mark inside him like that, being on display and in control. He liked it, loved it actually, the sensations so inescapable and all consuming, but it had gotten under his skin far too quickly and he was certain he couldn’t keep it up any longer. He was too self-conscious to take the lead, too inhibited to show Mark what he really wanted, and it had felt so good he was likely to embarrass himself far too quickly even if he could get over the stage fright.

“No?” Mark asks. He looks down at his hands as they slide over Sebastian’s thighs, up to his hips. “You looked so hot like that.” He meets Sebastian’s eyes. “So hot.”

“Uh,” Sebastian says, knowing he’s blushing now and wondering how he can possibly have enough blood to make him this hard at the same time.

“Means you can take it slow,” Mark says. “Take it any way you want. No bad Mark fucking you into the mattress until it hurts to sit down tomorrow.”

Sebastian laughs. “Right.”

“Mate, at this particular moment in time, I’m not sure I’d trust myself not to,” Mark says honestly.

Sebastian sobers up, looking down at him, and he feels that familiar emotion resurface; guilt. He’s been fighting it back all week, telling himself he’s being ridiculous, telling himself that he really doesn’t need the extra pressure, but the truth of the matter is that if Sebastian was leading the championship, Mark wouldn’t have that expression on his face right now.

He slides his hands, still slightly slippery from the oil, from Mark’s stomach up to his shoulders, leaning over to place a kiss on Mark’s lips, lingering there for a moment. He sits back, pulling his T-shirt over his head before letting Mark pull him down again.

They kiss, slow and deep, Sebastian stretched out over Mark’s body while Mark works his fingers inside him. It all feels so intense already that Sebastian’s not sure he can handle what comes next. As Mark’s fingers curl inside him though, setting off a chain reaction of lust and need, he knows that this can’t possibly end any other way.

When Mark’s fingers leave him, open and wet and ready, Sebastian shudders, closing his eyes for a moment to collect himself. He sits up astride Mark’s hips, readying himself, but when he looks down at Mark he feels a wave of anxiety pass over him.

“Close your eyes,” he requests.

Mark blinks at him. “What?”

“I need you to close your eyes,” Sebastian tells him. “Please.”

Mark nods. “Okay.”

He takes one last lingering look, his eyes scanning over Sebastian’s body, and then they slip closed, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he exhales. Sebastian takes a deep breath, raising himself up and reaching for Mark’s cock. It’s hot in his hand and so hard, almost to the point of being intimidating. Sebastian pushes the thought away. They’ve done this before so many times, but never quite like this.

He pulls Mark’s dick to press against his entrance, shifting slightly to try and work out the angle. He swallows, his apprehension growing, and he realises he needs to do this before the fear eats him up alive. He pushes down, still guiding Mark’s cock, and when he feels it breach him he can’t help but cry out. He stills, the head of Mark’s cock inside him, his breath coming out shallow and panicked. He can’t move down. He can’t possibly not.

Mark’s hands start to stroke up and down Sebastian’s thighs, a reassuring touch, and Sebastian lets all the air out of his lungs in a long exhale, his head bowing down. His thighs are already protesting at the awkward position he’s holding himself in so he tries to sink down a little further, the feeling of being opened up overwhelming him all too quickly again. He stills, his body practically shaking, tears springing to his eyes.

Mark would have gotten this over with by now. If Sebastian was laid out on his back, legs spread, Mark would have pushed insistently inside him, not stopping at every twinge, every overbearing feeling. He would have given everything to Sebastian all at once and Sebastian wouldn’t have had a chance to realise just how every tiny sensation of Mark pressing inside his body makes him want to come out of his own skin.

His instincts tell him to get up, to make it stop, because he can’t take this, can’t work out how he’s ever taken if before. This is too intense and some scared, broken little part of him is telling him run. He clamps down on that feeling and presses down further, trying to make it happen quicker, and it just about has his eyes rolling back in his head like some kind of porn cliché. He gasps, feels himself tense, and he needs this to be done now. He pushes down again, sinks right down to his own heels, and the noise he makes is broken and animalistic.

It takes him a few moments to come back to the moment, Mark’s harsh, panted breaths the first thing to filter through. Sebastian opens his eyes, not sure when he closed them, reaching down and taking hold of one of Mark’s hands that caress his thighs, twining their fingers together and holding on tight. He stares down at Mark’s face, flushed and sweaty and so debauched, and it makes something ease inside him.

“You feel amazing,” Mark tells him, his voice breathless in a way that makes it sound washed away.

The only response Sebastian can give is a small noise of acknowledgement in the back of his throat.

“You... Seb...” Mark says brokenly, and he sounds just as overwhelmed and out of his depth as Sebastian does.

“Do you love me?” Sebastian asks.

“Yes,” Mark responds, squeezing his hand, but there’s a frown on his face and he clearly doesn’t get it. Maybe he’d agree to anything right now.

“Say it,” Sebastian requests.

“You’re doing good,” Mark tells him. “Mate, you’re doing so good.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “It’s...” He bites down on his lip. “Please say it.”

Mark swallows, his expression serious. “Can I open my eyes?”

“Uh,” Sebastian stutters, feeling his face flush at the mere suggestion. He doesn’t want to be seen, not like this, he doesn’t trust himself.

“I’m not just saying it,” Mark tells him. “I’m saying it to you.”

“Okay,” Sebastian agrees a little shakily.

Mark opens his eyes, blinking a couple of times to focus before he gazes up at Sebastian, his expression soft but so intense. “I love you.”

Sebastian nods, feeling as though the words roll over him. “Close your eyes again.”

Mark gives an incredulous laugh. “Mate, it’s just me,” he says. “It’s just us.”

Sebastian stares down at him and he knows how ridiculous this is because sex is sex but suddenly he feels exposed in a way he can’t handle and he can only imagine what he’s giving away. He’s never been good at being vulnerable and right now he feels like everything he has is laid bare all at once, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and any one of those things he’ll give Mark in a heartbeat but all at once he’s not sure there’ll be anything left for him.

“You can trust me,” Mark says, his voice gentler now.

“What if I can’t trust me?” Sebastian asks, because he might be the one person he’s always had to count on at the end of the day, but he’s still not quite sure who he is when it comes down to it.

Mark squeezes his hand again, his other hand going up to grip Sebastian’s hip reassuringly. “I think I got enough trust for both of us right now.”

Sebastian feels a sob welling up in his throat and he has to look away. He lets out a shuddery breath, eyes damp, and yet he feels strong instead of weak. He feels validated. If Mark’s willing to take a chance on him, maybe he can too.

He moves slowly at first, every roll of his hips like an ocean threatening to drown him. His body adjusts fairly quickly, knowing what it wants, but his mind takes a while to catch up, to stop scrabbling around in a panic and just meet Mark’s eyes. As soon as he does he feels it all drop away, every wall he’s ever built to protect himself, and as they move together, he realises he doesn’t miss them one bit.

He lies there on top of Mark for the longest time after he comes, his mind wandering off into sleep before he stops himself, not ready to let go of this feeling yet. When he started this he mostly just wanted to be wanted and when he fell for Mark it was nice to want something back but he didn’t expect it to overtake everything else in his life like this. Somewhere along the way it turned from a want to a need and he thinks he might be finally coming to terms with that fact.

“Does it concern you at all that I can’t breathe?” Mark asks.

“No,” Sebastian murmurs.

“Fair enough,” Mark responds and Sebastian can hear the smile in his voice. It makes him smile back. He shifts off Mark but stays pressed in close, tugging at the covers until he can wrap them both up in them.

“I want to get you the championship,” he says, voice starting to slur slightly as sleep tries to drag him under. “I’m going to do my best. You deserve it.”

“Shhh,” Mark tells him, placing a kiss on his temple, but Sebastian makes a promise to himself. For Mark.

*

Abu Dhabi doesn’t give them the result that they need. It’s a podium, third place, and probably the maximum they could have gotten out of the car, but Nico finishes in second and the gap extends to fifteen points. It’s not the end of the world but it means they’ve got a lot to do in the last two races of the season.

Mark’s always had a good home-work balance but he finds himself consumed by this and his days at the factory start getting longer and longer. He knows there’s nothing he can really do; it’s down to Adrian and the team to make whatever upgrades they can this late in the season, Christian to motivate his troops, Sebastian to get the results they all need. Mark wants to be a part of the decisions though, wants to know everything that’s going on, because he knows it’s all going to come back to him if they let it slip through the cracks and he’s never wanted anything this badly in his entire life.

Sebastian stays with him for a week before they fly out to America and so Mark makes a big effort not to bring any work or stress home with him. Sebastian needs a calm environment, a quiet little oasis, if he’s going to face the challenges the next few weeks will throw at him. He actually seems surprisingly content given the circumstances and though Mark is more than willing to bend to his every whim, Sebastian offers to make dinner while Mark takes the dogs out, and Mark gets the impression that he’s the one being taken care of here. He has to admit that coming home to Sebastian is something he could more than get used to.

In Austin it’s a Red Bull front row lock out and it’s just the news that everyone in the team needs after slaving away on the car for the last couple of weeks. It feels like they might actually be able to turn this around. The news doesn’t seem to change Sebastian’s mood one way or another though and Mark’s not quite sure how to act around him in the hotel room that night.

“Do you need anything?” he asks when Sebastian comes out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist.

Sebastian pauses, looking at him. “What?”

“Can I do anything?” Mark offers.

Sebastian smiles at him and shakes his head. Mark nods but it doesn’t settle his unease that everything they have rides on tomorrow. Sebastian moves over, sitting down beside him.

“We believe, we fight hard and we take nothing for granted,” Sebastian says. “That’s all we can do.”

Mark stares at him. They’re words he’s heard spouted by Sebastian a million times, stock phrases designed to motivate the team, but Mark’s never really seen them as any more than that. Suddenly he finds himself seeing what a burden Sebastian’s talent has been all these years and how Mark has taken it for granted. When they were racing together part of him always assumed that Sebastian would win, and since becoming his boss he realises he never quite got out of that habit, using Sebastian as a tool to get the championship he needs so badly. Sebastian’s strong-minded and things roll easily off his back but that assumption must still be heavy to carry, especially when it’s placed on him by so many people.

“I’ll get you that win tomorrow,” Sebastian says, a twinkle in his eye, but Mark feels like the words crush him. He shakes his head.

“Do your best. That’s all.”

Sebastian smiles, that sparkle still there. He leans in close. “We still have time to be great. We just need to believe.”

Their time runs out during the second pitstop of the race and Mark has a horrible sinking feeling that it’s all over. It’s not a terrible pitstop, no big mess ups, and Mark almost wishes that there were because at least then they could justify it. It all goes smoothly, if not a fraction slower than it should, and they miss their gap, Sebastian stuck behind the Force India.

Mark stands at the back of the garage, watching the screens, and with every lap that Sebastian fails to pass, Nico’s lead increases. Mark can feel the cameras on him, knows they’re looking for reaction shots, and he’s worried it’s written all too clearly over his face. By the time Sebastian finally gets into some clear air there’s only 13 laps left and he’s 47 seconds adrift. It’s going to take more than a miracle. Mark walks out of the garage, certain everyone around the world will be watching his moment of weakness, heading into the motorhome and locking himself in his office, blinds drawn, to watch the inevitable conclusion.

It’s an impressive drive but Sebastian can’t claw himself any higher up than fifth. Nico takes the win and his first World Championship, sealing the constructors’ for Ferrari in the process. Mark turns the TV off, his mind reeling, and it’s like time folds back on itself, the sheer devastation of 2010 returning to him like muscle memory.

His phone rings moments later, Dietrich’s name on the screen. Mark feels like he’s been punched in the gut. He wipes at his damp eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths to compose himself before he answers.

“Not the result we were looking for,” Dietrich says regrettably.

“No,” Mark agrees. He knows better than to come up with excuses. Now, with emotions high and everything still so raw, is not the time.

“Winning championships is about more than just being the best,” Dietrich says. “There’s some luck in there too.”

“Well, luck’s not something I ever had a lot of,” Mark responds.

There’s a silence and Mark can hear his own heart beating in his ears. He feels like Dietrich must be able to hear it too.

“I know how hard you’ve worked, Mark, how much you’ve put into this team,” Dietrich says. “It hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

“Thank you, sir,” Mark responds. He feels certain there must be a but though. Hard work is meaningless if you don’t get the results and everyone is replaceable.

“Let it settle for a couple of days,” Dietrich says. “We’ll talk before Brazil, put together a conference call with the team management, take a look at things with a clearer head.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Mark agrees.

As soon as they hang up, Mark puts his phone on silent, shoving it back in his pocket. He’s taken the only phone call that really matters, the rest will have to wait. The loss is so huge that he can’t quite process it and he feels almost numb as he sits behind his desk, head in his hands. There are so many things that need doing, but a debrief seems pointless in a situation like this. They lost. What more is there to say?

When he finally leaves his office the atmosphere hits him instantly, heavy and oppressive. For six years Red Bull have been the victors, unbeatable, but Ferrari have stolen the crown from them and it’s clear no one quite knows how to deal with it yet. Daniel got a podium, second place, but it’s not enough to lift anyone’s spirits. Too little, too late. The story of Mark’s life.

“Mark.”

He turns to see Britta stepping towards him. “Hey.”

“Seb’s in his room,” she says, signalling towards it. “He said to send you straight in.”

Mark feels a chill that freezes him in place. Sebastian. How is he supposed to face him, broken-hearted and dreams in the gutter, when he feels like his own heart has just been torn out? Mark imagines his face, tearstained and shattered, and he looks away across the motorhome, feeling like he might just buckle and fall down right there. He can’t deal with Sebastian’s grief on top of his own. He can’t be strong for him right now.

He looks back at Britta, knowing his face must say it all. “Okay,” he replies, trying to keep his voice even. “Thanks.”

Britta nods and Mark hopes that she’ll leave so it doesn’t have to be so obvious that he’s walking away. She takes a step back, averting her gaze, but she doesn’t go. She stands there, guarding Sebastian’s door, keeping the world out, and Mark feels like he’s failing at every single responsibility he has in the world, both professional and private, as he turns to leave.

He catches up with Christian, talks with some of the engineers, offers the media a couple of sound bites, but his head’s spinning the whole time and he feels like he can’t quite find solid ground. He can’t think of a single thing that might comfort him right now, can’t think of anything he wants to do except for maybe sit in a quiet room and stare into space and let the world fall down around him.

When he was a driver sometimes it felt like him against the world, like he had to go out there and do it all for himself once the lights had gone out. Now things are different, everyone is working for him, and he felt certain that this was his chance; this time it was supposed to come good for him. It’s pathetic self-pity, he knows it is, but everyone in this team has had the joy of celebrating a championship except for him and now he’s spoiled it for the rest of them by bringing his bad luck back with him. Mark Webber; never gets a break, never fucking will.

It’s probably half an hour later when he finally mans up and pulls himself together enough to go and see Sebastian. He feels so spineless, like the worst kind of human being, but he just doesn’t know how to hold himself together if he has to watch Sebastian fall apart right now and Sebastian deserves better than that. It’s all Mark can offer though and he thinks it might be slightly better than nothing.

Britta is still there, fielding questions now, and Mark walks straight around her, tapping his knuckles on Sebastian’s door before letting himself inside. Sebastian looks up at him from his place slouched on the sofa, hands folded in his lap, and Mark feels a wrench inside him, like something is tearing apart. Sebastian’s eyes are sad and loaded with guilt, his posture limp with surrender. Mark blinks back the tears, pressing his lips together, and he can’t think of a single thing to say. They were supposed to get another chance. They were supposed to at least take it down to the wire so they could say they fought it to the end.

“Come here,” Sebastian says, his voice quiet like he’s afraid the words might break if he speaks out loud.

Mark moves, taking Sebastian into his arms and holding him tight. He strokes Sebastian’s hair, a string of sentimental encouragements tumbling thoughtlessly from his mouth, promises and apologies that he can’t begin to process and probably doesn’t even mean.

He’s not sure how long they’ve been sat there when it dawns on Mark that he’s the only one crying, that Sebastian is the one comforting him. He pulls back, looking Sebastian in the face and trying to work it out.

“What?” Sebastian asks.

“I...” He trails off, letting out a shuddery breath. He feels tired, exhausted, absolutely wrecked, and he’s not sure he even wants to work out what this means right now. “Are you okay?” he finally asks.

“No,” Sebastian says honestly, and Mark’s not sure what it says about him that it’s a relief. “I wanted it. For the team. For you.”

Mark closes his eyes, shaking his head before looking at Sebastian again. “You’re supposed to want it for you.”

“That too,” Sebastian agrees, his mouth quirking up into a half-smile. “I’m not a good loser.”

“I’ve noticed,” Mark says dryly.

Sebastian shifts down on the sofa, leaning against Mark, his head resting on Mark’s chest as he slings an arm over his stomach. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Mark feels his throat tighten, guilt pressing down on him. A thousand apologies spring to his lips but he doesn’t bother speaking any of them. That’s not the point. Right now the only thing that matters is the two of them in this room, holding one another, sharing the pain together.

They don’t talk on the way back to the hotel, exhausted and so very done with today. They seek each other out though, small, subtle touches when they’re in public, firm presses of body when they’re alone. It calms Mark, giving him something he wished he’d realised he needed earlier, the weight of Sebastian in his arms as he falls asleep the only thing that stops him feeling like it might all wash him away.

The next few days are busy but subdued. Nobody seems to move too fast or speak too loud, everyone feeling fragile. There’s work to be done and no one slacks off, no one loses motivation, because there’s still one more race and a win is still a win. It heartens Mark to see everyone still pulling together.

“It wasn’t like this for you, was it?” Sebastian asks as they sit in the motorhome, Mark picking at his food while Sebastian shovels his in.

“What?” Mark asks.

“I know you know what it was like for me,” Sebastian says. “In the race. It was the same for you.”

Mark frowns, shaking his head slightly, not understanding.

“Abu Dhabi,” Sebastian says. “2010.”

Mark swallows uncomfortably, wanting to push his food away. He takes a breath but he can’t think of a single thing to say.

“You got stuck, caught up in traffic, had to watch your chance at the championship slip away,” Sebastian says. He shakes his head. “I was so mad, just so frustrated, stuck in this shitty situation and there’s nothing you can do about it, you can’t fight, not really. It’s out of your hands.”

Mark stares down at his food, willing himself not to go back there. “Yeah.”

“You didn’t get this though,” Sebastian says, motioning around at the atmosphere in the motorhome.

Mark glances around and it hadn’t quite occurred to him just how different this is. When Mark lost, Sebastian won and so by extension so did the team. Mark was left alone with his misery, secluded not out of spite but out of carelessness. Now, Sebastian’s misery was the team’s misery and so whichever way he turned he had support and understanding.

“That must have been hard,” Sebastian says.

“Ancient history, mate,” Mark responds, and it’s true, even though the wound has been snagged lately. Prodding it will only hurt more. “I’m on the right side of the equation this time, even if it’s not quite the right outcome.”

Sebastian nods. “I’m glad I’m on your side. Wherever it is.”

On Wednesday he faces up to his conference call with Dietrich. The key players from the race team join him in the meeting room and he’s sure Dietrich has some advisors listening in on his side that he’s neglected to introduce. He’s not quite sure what to expect, but he’s certain he’ll be the one expected to fall on his sword if it’s called for; Helmut Marko’s tyrannical reign led them to six consecutive years of double World Championships, and while Mark would put the acclaim for that with Christian in a heartbeat, he knows the only variable is him and it will be all too easy to hold him accountable.

Emotions have cooled in the days since Austin and the meeting is calm and analytical and a lot warmer than Mark expected. Dietrich talks to him in length about the Red Bull Juniors, about Carlos and Tom’s achievements, about the fact that Mark has put together a successful team that will live to see another season. They talk about Mark’s input with Mitch, the role he’s played with Daniel, the energy that he brings to the team.

“Now that you’re established, I look forward to seeing what you can bring to the table next year,” Dietrich says in conclusion.

Mark blinks at the speakerphone that sits in the middle of the table. “Thanks,” he says, barely able to process what he’s hearing. “Thank you, sir,” he corrects himself. “I’m looking forward to the challenge.”

He looks at Christian, raising his eyebrows in surprise, and Christian grins at him, giving him a thumbs up.

“Do you have to go back to Europe?” Sebastian asks, laid out half-naked on the hotel bed like he’s just challenging Mark to try and think about anything but sex.

“Nope,” Mark responds, moving over to close the balcony door, the heat pouring in from outside. “Free to go to Tasmania and run around in the wilderness for a while.”

“All in the name of charity,” Sebastian says, hand absently stroking over his stomach.

“Uh-huh,” Mark agrees, giving in to temptation and going to climb on top of Sebastian. “I’m very altruistic,” he says, kissing over Sebastian’s chest.

“Right,” Sebastian agrees, watching Mark for a moment as his mouth dips lower, lips brushing over Sebastian’s stomach. “I have some things to do in Europe,” he says. “For a week. Maybe two. I could come join you after that.”

Mark stops what he’s doing, sitting up. “Join me? What, in Tasmania?”

Sebastian shrugs, suddenly looking self-conscious. “It’s beautiful, right? I’d like to see it. I’d like you to show me.”

Mark smiles, tracing his fingertips over the invisible lines his lips have just taken. “You’ll love it. I’ll take you to all the hidden little spots and I’ll have to find a Tassie devil for you.”

“And then you could show me where you’re from?” Sebastian suggests, his voice unsure and questioning. “I’d like that too. You could introduce me to some people.”

Mark stills again, searching Sebastian’s face. “Introduce you?” He laughs, putting on a fake voice, hands skimming Sebastian’s flesh again. “This is my racing driver. I own him.”

Sebastian catches Mark’s hands. “This is my... Seb,” he says.

Mark gives him a quizzical look. “My Seb?”

“Or whatever,” Sebastian shrugs, pushing Mark’s hands away. Mark grabs them again.

“My Seb,” he says, musing it over. “Yeah, alright, I could get used to that.” He grins, unable to hide his giddiness as he leans down to join their mouths.

“Are you going on top?” Sebastian asks. “I don’t want to move.”

“Oh, you just assume because you’re adorable and half-naked I’m going to fuck you?” Mark responds.

“Yes,” Sebastian says smugly.

“You’re very perceptive, Mr. Vettel,” Mark says, pressing their mouths together for a real kiss.

It’s not Sebastian’s offer to meet with his parents that has Mark feeling like this is finally something he can trust. It’s a gesture that’s appreciated but it feels almost unneeded now Mark realises. If Mark’s honest with himself it’s not really anything that Sebastian’s done, none of his attempts at being the greatest boyfriend in the world, and Mark can tell he’s been trying. It was that moment when Sebastian was sat above him, shivering and overwhelmed, and Mark could see how much he needed Mark to believe in him.

That’s when these things often come, forgiveness and trust and love, not when they’re wanted but when they’re truly needed. Sebastian had no agenda as he sat there falling apart and so Mark had no reason to deny him. It’s weird how, when it comes down to it, it really was as simple as that. Mark was holding back because he was scared of giving something away that he couldn’t take back, but in that moment he could tell that Sebastian really understands what’s at stake. Sebastian understands loss and hurt and pain and he’s choosing to love Mark anyway. How can Mark not return that in kind?

Sunday finally gives them the race they all feel they deserve. Sebastian is flawless and a win has rarely felt so earned. After the disappointment and heartbreak that came seven days earlier Mark feels like this should probably feel like a consolation prize, but in reality it’s _everything._

“Podium?” Christian suggests.

Mark grins at him. “Try and stop me, mate.”

It feels strange being in this room without the exhaustion of a race clinging to him. He heads straight up, not waiting for Sebastian in parc ferme. He knows wherever they are the world will be watching, but he doesn’t want the moment to be surrounded by screaming crowds as well.

Sebastian bounds up the stairs and practically throws himself at Mark, arms flying around him with such exuberance that Mark can’t breathe for a moment. He grins, lifting Sebastian from the ground, his adrenaline almost as high as if he’d won the race himself. In a way he supposes he sort of has.

“You were amazing, mate,” he says, letting go and taking a step back.

Sebastian pulls a face like it was no big deal but immediately starts to laugh, reaching for one of the towels. “It was tough,” he says, wiping off his face and grabbing a bottle of water.

“You kept your head,” Mark says. “You did good.”

Sebastian grins at him, twisting the cap off his drink and swallowing the liquid down. “I’m just glad you finally came to join me up here.”

Mark shrugs. “Timing was right.”

Sebastian smiles at him warmly, grabbing his winner’s cap.

Stepping out onto the podium feels familiar and brand new all at once. He’s on the sidelines, not the main attraction, and he feels like he can see everything all the more clearly for it. Every other time he’s been on these steps he’s felt like he deserved it because he was the one who went out there and did it, he was the one who, when everyone else stepped away from the car, was able to bring it home.

When he rejoined the team in his new role he never thought he could feel that kind of achievement again. He came here looking for his championship, wanting to be a part of something great, to prove that he could be good enough. He saw himself as a tiny part of the equation, nestled away with his junior drivers, and maybe he thought he could cash in on someone else’s glory just by having his name on the credits. The glory is all his as he lifts that constructor’s trophy above his head though, holding it out towards his team.

They didn’t get the championship but Mark feels like maybe he won a smaller, more personal victory. He survived. He made it through more than okay. It wasn’t the prize he came here looking for but he’ll take it. He earned it. He’s never felt anything quite so implicitly as he feels that now.

Champagne is sprayed, Mark drenched through to the skin as Sebastian pours it over his head, and that first sip he gets when Sebastian passes the bottle to him has never felt more deeply deserved. They stand together, lined up for the photographers, and as Mark puts his arm around Sebastian his mind races ahead to Tasmania, Queanbeyan, all the other ways that he’s won and lost this year. He didn’t get what he set out for but at least his goals are clear and the scorecard all evens out in the end.

He squeezes Sebastian’s waist, pulls him a little closer. Next year is going to be their year.


End file.
